我们仨失散了（3）

饭后我从小提包里找出一枚别针，别在衣袖上，我往常叫自己记住什么事，就在衣袖上别一枚别针，很有提醒的作用。

After dinner, I took out a safety pin from my handbag and pinned it to my sleeve. I usually pick a safety pin to remind myself to remember something important, and it serves as a good reminder.

柜台的那一侧，有两扇大门。只开着一扇，那就是客栈的前门。前门朝北开。我们走出前门，顿觉换了一个天地。

On the other side of the counter, there are two large doors. Only one door is open, which is the front door of the inn. The front door opens to the north. As we stepped out of the front door, it felt completely different outside.

那里烟雾迷蒙，五百步外就看不清楚；空气郁塞，叫人透不过气似的。

It was hazy, and visibility was poor even 500 steps away; the air was thick, making it hard to breathe.

门外是东西向的一道长堤，沙土筑成，相当宽，可容两辆大车。堤岸南北两侧都砌着石板。

Outside was a long embankment running east to west, built of sand and earth, wide enough for two large carts to pass. Stone slabs lined both sides of the embankment.

客栈在路南，水道在路北。客栈的大门上，架着一个新刷的招牌，大书“客栈”二字。

The inn is south of the road, and the waterway is on the north. A freshly painted sign reading "Inn" hangs above the entrance.

道旁两侧都是古老的杨柳。驿道南边的堤下是城市背面的荒郊，杂树丛生，野草滋蔓，爬山虎直爬到驿道旁边的树上。远处也能看到一两簇苍松翠柏，可能是谁家的陵墓。

The sides of the road are lined with ancient poplar and willow trees. To the south of the post road, the embankment leads to the wild outskirts behind the city, overgrown with shrubs and wild grasses, while climbing ivy reached up to the trees next to the post road. In the distance, clusters of green pines and cypress trees could be seen, possibly marking someone’s tomb.

驿道东头好像是个树林子。客栈都笼罩在树林里似的。我们走进临水道的那一岸。

At the eastern end of the post road, there seems to be a grove of trees. The inn is shrouded in this grove. We walked towards the bank of the waterway.

堤很高，也很陡，河水静止不流，不见一丝波纹。水面明净，但是云雾蒙蒙的天倒映在水里，好像天地相向，快要合上了。

The embankment is high and steep, and the river water was still, without a ripple in sight. The surface of the water was clear, but the cloudy sky was reflected in it, as if the heavens and earth were drawing together, about to merge.

也许这就是令人觉得透不过气的原因。顺着蜿蜒的水道向西看去，只觉得前途很远很远，只是迷迷茫茫，看不分明。

Perhaps this is what made it hard to breathe. Looking west along the winding waterway, it felt as if the road ahead was very far away, just a blur that could not be clearly defined.

水边一顺溜的青青草，引出绵绵远道。

A smooth stretch of grass by the water leads off into the distance.

古老的柳树根，把驿道拱坏了。驿道也随着地势时起时伏，石片砌的边缘处，常见塌陷，所以路很难走。河里也不见船只。

Ancient willow tree roots have damaged the post road. The road rises and falls with the terrain, and at the edges made of stone slabs, collapses are often seen, making the path difficult to walk. No boats were in sight on the river.

阿圆扶着我说：“妈妈小心，看着地下。”

A Yuan supported me and said, "Mom, be careful and watch your step."

我知道小心。因为我病后刚能独自行走。我步步着实地走，省得阿圆搀扶，她已经够累的了。

I knew to be careful because I had just managed to walk alone after being sick. I took each step firmly to save A Yuan from having to help too much; she was already quite tired.

走着走着——其实并没有走多远，就看见岸边停着一叶小舟，赶紧跑去。

As we walked—actually, we hadn’t walked far—we spotted a small boat docked by the shore and hurried over.

船头的岸边，植一竿撑船的长竹篙，船缆在篙上。船很小，倒也有前舱、后舱、船头、船尾；却没有舵，也没有桨。

Next to the boat’s bow was a long bamboo pole used for propelling the boat, with the mooring line wrapped around it. The boat was small, with a front cabin, a rear cabin, a bow, and a stern; however, there was no rudder or oars.

一条跳板，搭在船尾和河岸的沙土地上。驿道边有一道很长的斜坡，通向跳板。

A gangplank connected the back of the boat to the sandy riverbank. There was a long incline leading to the gangplank beside the post road.

阿圆站定了说：“妈妈，看那只船梢有号码，311，是爸爸的船。”

A Yuan stopped and said, "Mom, look at that boat’s stern; it has a number, 311, that is Dad's boat."

我也看见了。阿圆先下坡，我走在后面，一面说：“你放心，我走得很稳。”

I saw it too. A Yuan went down the slope first while I followed, saying, “Don’t worry, I’m walking steadily.”

但是阿圆从没见过跳板，不敢走。我先上去，伸手牵着她，她小心翼翼地横着走。两人都上了船。

However, A Yuan had never seen a gangplank and didn’t dare to walk on it. I stepped up first, reached out to hold her hand, and she carefully walked across sideways. Both of us got on the boat.

船很干净，后舱空无一物，前舱铺着一只干净整体的床，雪白的床单，雪白的枕头，简直像在医院里，钟书侧身卧着，腹部均匀地一起一伏，睡得很安静。

The boat was very clean; the rear cabin was empty, while the front cabin had a neatly made bed with snow-white sheets and a snow-white pillow, looking just like a hospital room. Zhongshu lay on his side, his abdomen rising and falling evenly, sleeping very peacefully.

我们在后舱脱了鞋，轻轻走向床前。只见他紧抿着嘴唇，眼睛里还噙着些泪，脸上有一道泪痕。

We took off our shoes in the rear cabin and quietly approached the bed. He held his lips tightly together, still with some tears in his eyes, and had a tear streak on his face.

枕边搭着一方干净的手绢，就是他自己带走的那条，显然已经洗过，因为没一道折痕。船上不见一人。

Next to the pillow was a clean handkerchief, which was the same one he had taken with him. It was clearly washed as there were no creases on it. There was no one else on the boat.

该有个撑船的艄公，也许还有个洗手绢的艄婆。他们都上岸了？（我只在心里捉摸）

There should be a boatman to row the boat, and maybe a boatwoman to wash handkerchiefs. Had they both gone ashore? (I only guessed in my heart.)

我摸摸他额上温度正常，就用他自己的手绢为他拭去眼泪，一面在他耳边轻唤“钟书，钟书”。

I felt his forehead and found the temperature was normal, so I used his own handkerchief to wipe away his tears while softly calling in his ear, "Zhongshu, Zhongshu."

阿圆乖乖地挨着我。

A Yuan stayed obediently close to me.

他立即睁开眼，眼睛睁得好大。没了眼镜，可以看到他的眼皮双得很美，只是面容显得十分憔悴。

He opened his eyes immediately, and they widened. Without his glasses, I could see that his eyelids were beautifully double-folded, but his complexion appeared very haggard.

他放心地叫了声“季康，阿圆”，声音很微弱，然后苦着脸，断断续续地诉苦：“他们把我带到一个很高很高的不知哪里，然后又把我弄下来，转了好多好多的路，我累得睁不开眼了，又不敢睡，听得船在水里走，这是船上吧？我只愁你们找不到我了。”

He called out softly, "Jikang, A Yuan," his voice was very weak, before grimacing and narrating with occasional breaks, "They took me to a very high place I didn’t know, and then brought me down, making me go around a lot of paths. I was so tired I couldn’t open my eyes and didn’t dare sleep, hearing the boat moving in the water. This is the boat, right? I was only worried you couldn’t find me."

阿圆说：“爸爸，我们来了，你放心吧！”

A Yuan said, "Dad, we’re here, don’t worry!"

我说：“阿圆带着我，没走一步冤枉路。你睁不开眼，就闭上，放心睡一会儿。”

I said, "A Yuan is with me, we didn’t take any unnecessary detours. If you can’t open your eyes, just close them and rest for a while."

他疲劳得支持不住，立即闭上眼睛。

He was too fatigued to hold on, immediately closing his eyes.

我们没个坐处，只好盘膝坐在地下。他从被子侧边伸出半只手，动着指头，让我们握握。

We had no place to sit, so we sat cross-legged on the floor. He stretched out half a hand from the edge of the quilt, moving his fingers, inviting us to hold them.

阿圆坐在床尾抱着他的脚，他还故意把脚动动。我们三人又相聚了。

A Yuan sat at the foot of the bed hugging his feet, and he deliberately moved his feet a bit. The three of us were together again.

不用说话，都觉得心上舒坦。我握着他的手把脸枕在床沿上。

Without needing to speak, we felt a sense of comfort. I held his hand and rested my face on the edge of the bed.

阿圆抱着爸爸的脚，把脸靠在床尾。虽然是在古驿道上，这也是合家团聚。

A Yuan hugged Dad's feet, resting her face against the foot of the bed. Though we were on an ancient post road, it felt like a family reunion.

我和阿圆环视四周。钟书的眼镜没了，鞋也没了。前舱的四壁好像都是装东西的壁柜，我们不敢打开看。

A Yuan and I looked around. Zhongshu’s glasses were gone, and his shoes were missing too. The four walls of the front cabin seemed to be lined with cupboards for storage, but we didn’t dare to open them.

近船头处，放着一个大石礅。大概是镇船的。

Near the bow of the boat, there was a large stone anchor. It was probably used to stabilize the boat.

阿圆忽然说：“啊呀，糟糕了，妈妈，我今天有课的，全忘了！明天得到学校去一遭。”

A Yuan suddenly exclaimed, "Oh no, Mom, I forgot about my class today! I have to go to school tomorrow."

我说：“去了也来不及了。”

I said, "It’s already too late to go."

“我从来没旷过课。他们准会来电话。哎，还得补课呢。今晚得回去给系里通个电话。”

"I’ve never skipped a class. They will definitely call me. Oh, I still need to make up for the class. I have to call the department tonight."

阿圆要回去，就剩我一人住客栈了。我往常自以为很独立，这时才觉得自己像一枝爬藤草。

A Yuan wanted to go back, leaving me alone at the inn. I usually thought of myself as independent, but at that moment, I felt like a creeping vine.

可是我也不能拉住阿圆不放。好在手续都已办完，客栈离船不远。

But I couldn’t hold back A Yuan. Fortunately, all the procedures had already been completed, and the inn was not far from the boat.

我叹口气说：“你该提早退休，就说爸爸老了，妈妈糊涂了，你负担太重了。你编的教材才出版了上册，还有下册没写呢。”

I sighed and said, "You should consider retiring early, just say Dad is old and Mom is confused, you have too much burden. The textbook you compiled has just published the first volume, but the second volume hasn't been written yet."

阿圆说：“妈妈你不懂。一面教，一面才会有新的发现，才能修改添补。出版的那个上册还得大修大改呢——妈妈，你老盼我退休，只怕再过三年五年也退不成。”

A Yuan said, "Mom, you don’t understand. Teaching while making discoveries leads to new findings and allows for modifications and additions. That published first volume needs major revisions!—Mom, you’ve always hoped I would retire; I’m afraid I won’t be able to retire even in three or five years."

我自己惭愧，只有我是个多余的人。我默然。太阳已经越过船身。

I felt ashamed, thinking I was the only superfluous person. I fell silent. The sun had already passed over the boat.

我轻声说：“太阳照进前舱，我们就得回客栈，如果爸爸还不醒……”我摸摸袖口的别针，忙止口不问。

I whispered, "The sun has shone into the front cabin; we must go back to the inn. If Dad doesn’t wake up..." I touched the safety pin on my sleeve and hurriedly stopped myself from asking.

“叫醒他。”阿圆有决断，她像爸爸。

"Wake him up." A Yuan had determination; she resembled her father.

钟书好像还在沉沉酣睡。

Zhongshu seemed still to be in deep sleep.

云后一轮血红的太阳，还没照到床头，钟书忽然睁开眼睛，看着我们，安慰自己似的念着我们的名字：季康，圆圆。我们忙告诉他，太阳照进前舱，我们就得回客栈。

Now behind the cloud was a blood-red sun, which hadn’t yet reached the head of the bed. Suddenly, Zhongshu opened his eyes, looked at us, and soothingly repeated our names: Jikang, Yuanyuan. We quickly informed him that the sun had shone into the front cabin and we needed to go back to the inn.

阿圆说：“我每星期会来看你。妈妈每天来陪你。这里很安静。”

A Yuan said, "I will come to see you every week. Mom will come to accompany you every day. It’s very quiet here."

钟书说：“都听见了。”他耳朵特灵，他睡着也只是半睡。

Zhongshu said, "I heard everything." His ears were particularly sharp; even while he was asleep, he was only half asleep.

这时他忽把紧闭的嘴拉成一条直线，扯出一丝淘气的笑，怪有意思地看着我说：“绛，还做梦吗？”

At that moment, he suddenly pulled his tightly closed lips into a straight line, allowing a hint of mischief to show as he looked at me and said, "Jiang, are you still dreaming?"

我愣了一下，茫然说：“我这会儿就好像做梦呢。”

I was startled for a moment, responding dazedly, "Right now it feels like I’m in a dream."

嘴里这么回答，却知道自己是没有回答。我一时摸不着头脑。

While answering like this, I knew I wasn’t giving a real answer. I was momentarily at a loss.

阿圆站起身说：“我们该走了。爸爸，我星期天来看你，妈妈明天就来。”

A Yuan stood up and said, "We have to go. Dad, I will come to see you on Sunday, and Mom will be here tomorrow."

钟书说：“走吧。”

Zhongshu said, "Go."

我说了声：“明天见，好好睡。”

I said, "See you tomorrow, sleep well."

我们忙到后舱穿上鞋。我先上跳板，牵着阿圆。她只会横着一步一步过。

We hurried to put on our shoes in the rear cabin. I stepped onto the gangplank first, holding A Yuan’s hand. She could only shuffle sideways, step by step across the gangplank.