我们都老了

有一晚，我做了一个梦。我和锺书一同散步，说说笑笑，走到了不知什么地方。

One night, I had a dream. I was walking with Zhong Shu, chatting and laughing, and we ended up in a place unknown.

太阳已经下山，黄昏薄幕，苍苍茫茫中，忽然锺书不见了。

The sun had already set, and in the twilight, amidst the vast and blurry landscape, suddenly Zhong Shu vanished.

我四顾寻找，不见他的影踪。我喊他，没人应。

I looked around for him, but there was no sign of him. I called out his name, but no one answered.

只我一人，站在荒郊野地里，锺书不知到哪里去了。

I was all alone, standing in the wilderness, with no idea where Zhong Shu had gone.

我大声呼喊，连名带姓地喊。喊声落在旷野里，好像给吞吃了似的，没留下一点依稀仿佛的音响。

I shouted loudly, calling out his full name. My voice echoed in the open fields, as if it had been swallowed up, leaving no trace of sound.

彻底的寂静，给沉沉夜色增添了分量，也加深了我的孤凄。

The complete silence added weight to the dark night, deepening my solitude.

往前看去，是一层深似一层的昏暗。我脚下是一条沙土路，旁边有林木，有潺潺流水，看不清楚溪流有多么宽广。

Looking ahead, there was a layer of darkness thicker than the last. Beneath my feet was a dirt road, with trees nearby and a babbling stream, but I couldn't see how wide the creek was.

向后看去，好像是连片的屋宇房舍，是有人烟的去处，但不见灯火，想必相离很远了。

Looking back, it seemed like there were clusters of houses, a place where people lived, but there was no light, indicating they were probably quite far away.

锺书自顾自先回家了吗？我也得回家呀。

Did Zhong Shu return home by himself? I needed to go home too.

我正待寻觅归路，忽见一个老人拉着一辆空的黄包车，忙拦住他。

Just as I was about to search for my way back, I suddenly saw an old man pulling an empty rickshaw, and I hurried to stop him.

他倒也停了车。可是我怎么也说不出要到哪里去，惶急中忽然醒了。

He did stop the cart. However, I couldn't express where I wanted to go, and in my anxiety, I suddenly woke up.

锺书在我旁边的床上睡得正酣呢。

Zhong Shu was sound asleep in the bed beside me.

我转侧了半夜等锺书醒来，就告诉他我做了一个梦，如此这般；于是埋怨他怎么一声不响地撇下我自顾自走了。

I turned over for half the night waiting for Zhong Shu to wake up, and then I told him about my dream, this and that; thus, I complained about how he left me silently to go back by himself.

锺书并不为我梦中的他辩护，只安慰我说：那是老人的梦，他也常做。

Zhong Shu did not defend himself in my dream; instead, he comforted me, saying, "That was an old man's dream; he often has the same."

是的，这类的梦我又做过多次，梦境不同而情味总相似。

Indeed, I had had this kind of dream many times, with different scenarios but a similar feeling.

往往是我们两人从一个地方出来，他一晃眼不见了。

Often, it would be that the two of us would come out from one place, and in a blink, he would disappear.

我到处问询，无人理我。

I would inquire all around, but no one would pay attention to me.

我或是来回寻找，走入一连串的死胡同，或独在昏暗的车站等车，等那末一班车，车也总不来。梦中凄凄惶惶，好像只要能找到他，就能一同回家。

I either searched back and forth, walking into a series of dead ends, or waited alone at a dark bus station for the last bus, which never arrived. In the dream, I felt forlorn and anxious, as if I could go home together with him if only I could find him.

锺书大概是记着我的埋怨，叫我做了一个长达万里的梦。

Zhong Shu probably remembered my complaints and made me have a dream that spanned thousands of miles.