桨声灯影里的秦淮河（3）

这时却遇着了难解的纠纷。秦淮河上原有一种歌妓，是以歌为业的。

At this moment, however, we encountered an unsolvable dispute. There used to be a type of singing courtesan on the Qinhuai River, whose profession was to sing.

从前都在茶舫上，唱些大曲之类。每日午后一时起；什么时候止，却忘记了。

In the past, they performed in tea boats, singing melodious tunes and the like. They began at one o'clock every afternoon; as for when they stopped, they seemed to have forgotten.

晚上照样也有一回，也在黄晕的灯光里。我从前过南京时，曾随着朋友去听过两次。

In the evenings, there would be another session, illuminated by the warm yellow light. When I visited Nanjing before, I had accompanied friends to listen to them perform a couple of times.

因为茶舫里的人脸太多了，觉得不大适意，终于听不出所以然。

However, the tea boats were crowded with so many faces that it felt quite uncomfortable, and ultimately, I couldn’t grasp what was going on.

前年听说歌妓被取缔了，不知怎的，颇涉想了几次——却想不出什么。

Two years ago, I heard that the singing courtesans had been banned, and I couldn't help but think about it several times—yet I couldn’t come up with anything substantial.

这次到南京，先到茶舫上去看看。觉得颇是寂寥，令我无端的怅怅了。

When I arrived in Nanjing this time, I first went to the tea boat to take a look. It felt quite desolate, which left me feeling inexplicably melancholic.

不料她们却仍在秦淮河里挣扎着，不料她们竟会纠缠到我们，我于是很张皇了，她们也乘着“七板子”，她们总是坐在舱前的。

To my surprise, they were still struggling on the Qinhuai River; however, they ended up entangling us, and I became quite flustered. They boarded “Qibanzi” (a type of boat), always sitting at the fore.

舱前点着石油汽灯光亮，眩人眼目：坐在下面的，自然是纤毫毕见了——引诱客人们的力量，也便在此了。舱里躲着乐工等人，映着汽灯的余辉蠕动着；他们是永远不被注意的。

The front of the boat was brightly lit by an oil gas lamp, dazzling to the eyes: those sitting below were naturally under a scrutinizing gaze—this was where their allure to the customers lay. Hidden within the cabin were musicians and others, writhing in the light of the gas lamp’s residual glow; they would never be noticed.

每船的歌妓大约都是二人；天色一黑，她们的船就在大中桥外往来不息的兜生意。无论行着的船，泊着的船，都要来兜揽的。

Each boat typically had about two singing courtesans. As darkness fell, their boats would continuously move back and forth outside the Dazhong Bridge to conduct business. Regardless of whether the boats were moving or anchored, they had to circulate and attract attention.

这都是我后来推想出来的。那晚不知怎样，忽然轮着我们的船了。

This was something I inferred later. That evening, I didn’t know why, but our boat was suddenly approached.

我们的船好好的停着，一只歌舫划向我们来了；渐渐和我们的船并着了。

Our boat was anchored fine when a singing boat rowed towards us; it gradually came alongside.

烁烁的灯光逼得我们皱起了眉头；我们的风尘色全给它托出来了，这使我不安了，那时一个伙计跨过船来，拿着摊开的歌折，就近塞向我的手里，说：“点几出吧！”

The shimmering lights forced us to frown; our dust-covered appearance was evident, which made me uneasy. At that moment, a steward crossed over, holding an open song booklet, and handed it directly to me, saying, “Choose a few pieces!”

他跨过来的时候，我们船上似乎有许多眼光跟着。

When he crossed over, it seemed many gazes on our boat followed him.

同时相近的别的船上也似乎有许多眼睛炯炯的向我们船上看着。

Simultaneously, it appeared there were also many curious eyes on nearby boats watching ours.

我真窘了！我也装出大方的样子，向歌妓们瞥了一眼，但究竟是不成的！

I felt truly embarrassed! I faked an air of nonchalance and stole a glance at the singing courtesans, but it ultimately didn’t feel right!

我勉强将那歌折翻了一翻，却不曾看清了几字；便赶紧递还那伙计，一面不好意思地说：“不要，我们……不要。”

I reluctantly flipped through that song booklet, yet I could not make out much; I hurriedly handed it back to the steward, feeling awkward as I said, “No thank you, we… don’t want any.”

他便塞给平伯，平伯掉转头去，摇手说：“不要！”

He then passed it to Pingbo, who turned his head away, shaking his hand and saying, “No!”

那人还腻着不走。平伯又回过脸来，摇着头道：“不要！”

Yet the steward insisted on not leaving. Pingbo turned back again, shaking his head and saying, “No!”

于是那人重到我处，我窘着再拒绝了他。他这才有所不屑似的走了。

So that man came back to me again, and I awkwardly rejected him once more. It was then that he seemed to lose interest and finally walked away.

我的心立刻放下，如释了重负一般。我们就开始自白了。

My heart instantly lifted as if a heavy burden had been released. We then began to confide in each other.

我说我受了道德律的压迫，拒绝了她们；心里似乎很抱歉的。

I said I had felt the oppression of moral law and had refused them; there was a semblance of regret within me.

这所谓抱歉，一面对于她们，一面对于我自己。

This so-called regret was directed both towards them and toward myself.

她们于我们虽然没有很奢的希望；但总有些希望的。

Although they likely did not have high hopes of us, there was still some hope.

我们拒绝了她们，无论理由如何充足，却使她们的希望受了伤；这总有几分不做美了。

By rejecting them, regardless of how justified the reasons were, we had hurt their hopes; this left a sense of embarrassment.

这是我觉得很怅怅的。至于我自己，更有一种不足之感。

This was what I felt to be quite melancholic. As for myself, I felt an even greater sense of inadequacy.

我这时被四面的歌声诱惑了，降伏了；但是远远的，远远的歌声总仿佛隔着重衣搔痒似的，越搔越搔不着痒处。我于是憧憬着贴耳的妙音了。

At that moment, I was tempted by the songs around me, subdued; yet the distant melody always seemed like a distant itch that could not be scratched, growing ever more frustrating. Hence, I longed to hear the sweet notes close to my ear.

在歌舫划来时，我的憧憬，变为盼望；我固执的盼望着，有如饥渴。

When the singing boat approached, my longing transformed into hope; I stubbornly hoped, like one suffering from hunger and thirst.

虽然从浅薄的经验里，也能够推知，那贴耳的歌声，将剥去了一切的美妙；但一个平常的人像我的，谁愿凭了理性之力去丑化未来呢？

Though from my shallow experiences, I could deduce that such close singing would strip away all beauty; nevertheless, who among ordinary people like me would choose to mar the future with rationality?

我宁愿自己骗着了。不过我的社会感性是很敏锐的；我的思力能拆穿道德律的西洋镜，而我的感情却终于被它压服着。

I would rather deceive myself. However, my social sensibility was quite sharp; my reasoning could see through the illusions of moral law, yet my emotions were ultimately subdued by it.

我于是有所顾忌了，尤其是在众目昭彰的时候。道德律的力，本来是民众赋予的；在民众的面前，自然更显出它的威严了。

Thus, I found myself hesitant, especially in the glaring public eye. The force of moral law was rooted in the collective will of the people; it naturally exhibited its authority more prominently in front of them.

我这时一面盼望，一面却感到了两重的禁制：一，在通俗的意义上，接近妓者总算一种不正当的行为；二，妓是一种不健全的职业，我们对于她们，应有哀矜勿喜之心，不应赏玩的去听她们的歌。

At this point, I felt both eager and constrained by two competing prohibitions: one, in a general sense, being close to courtesans was ultimately an improper behavior; two, courtesanship was an unhealthy profession, and we should regard them with compassion rather than pleasure.

在众目睽睽之下，这两种思想在我心里最为旺盛。她们暂时压倒了我的听歌的盼望，这便成就了我的灰色的拒绝。

In the glaring light of public scrutiny, these two thoughts were most fervently active in my mind. They temporarily overwhelmed my desire to hear their songs, solidifying my ambiguous refusal.

那时的心实在异常状态中，觉得颇是昏乱。歌舫去了，暂时宁静之后，我的思绪又如潮涌了。

My heart was truly in an unusual state, feeling rather muddled. The singing boat departed, and after a brief moment of silence, my thoughts surged like a tide.

两个相反的意思在我心头往复：卖歌和卖淫不同，听歌和狎妓不同，又干道德甚事？

Two opposing ideas wrestled in my mind: selling music is not the same as selling sex, and listening to songs is not the same as indulging in courtesans; what moral significance could be drawn from this?

——但是，但是，她们既被逼的以歌为业，她们的歌必无艺术味的；况她们的身世，我们究竟该同情的。

—But still, since they were forced to earn a living through singing, their songs inevitably lacked artistic merit; moreover, they had lives we ought to sympathize with.

所以拒绝倒也是正常。但这此意思终于不曾撇开我的听歌的盼望。它力量异常坚强；它总想将别的思绪踏在脚下。

Thus, the refusal seemed to be reasonable. Yet this reasoning ultimately did not dismiss my yearning to hear their songs. Its influence was exceptionally strong; it constantly sought to suppress other thoughts.

从这重重的争斗里，我感到了浓厚的不足之感。这不足之感使我的心盘旋不安，起坐都不安宁了。

Amidst this tumult of conflict, I felt a profound sense of inadequacy. This sense of inadequacy made my heart restless, unsettling my composure.

唉！我承认我是一个自私的人！平伯呢，却与我不同。

Alas! I admit I am a selfish person! Pingbo, however, was different from me.

他引周启明先生的诗，“因为我有妻子，所以我爱一切的女人；因为我有子女，所以我爱一切的孩子。”

He quoted Mr. Zhou Qiming’s poem: “Because I have a wife, I love all women; because I have children, I love all children.”

他的意思可以见了。他因为推己的同情，爱着那些歌妓，并且尊重着她们，所以拒绝了她们。

His viewpoint was clear. Because he empathized with his own experiences, he loved those singing courtesans and respected them, which led him to refuse them.

在这种情形下，他自然以为听是对于她们的一种侮辱。但他也是想听歌的，虽然不和我一样。

In this situation, it was natural for him to believe that listening was a form of disrespect towards them. Yet he also wanted to listen to their songs, just not in the same way as I did.

所以在他的心中，当然也有一番小小的争斗；争斗的结果，是同情胜了。

So of course, there was also a minor conflict within him; the resolution of that conflict was that sympathy triumphed.

至于道德律，在他是没有什么的；因为他很有蔑视一切的倾向，民众的力量在他是不大觉着的。

As for moral law, it bore little significance to him; he had a strong tendency to disregard everything, feeling little awareness of the power of the public.

这时他的心意的活动比较简单，又比较松弱，故事后还怡然自若；我却不能了。这里平伯又比我高了。

At this moment, the agitation in his heart was comparatively simple, more relaxed even; he appeared at ease even afterward while I could not. In this regard, Pingbo surpassed me once again.

在我们谈话中间，又来了两只歌舫。伙计照前一样的请我们点戏，我们照前一样的拒绝了。

During our conversation, two more singing boats arrived. As before, the steward asked us to choose some pieces, and as before, we declined.

我受了三次窘，心里的不安更甚了。清艳的夜景也为之减色。

Having faced embarrassment three times, my inner unease grew even more pronounced. The beautiful night scene also seemed to fade.

船夫大约因为要赶第二趟生意，催着我们回去；我们无可无不可的答应了。

The boatman, perhaps eager to reach the second turn of business, urged us to return; we agreed with indifference.

我们渐渐和那些晕黄的灯光远了，只有些月色冷清清的随着我们的归舟。

We gradually moved away from those yellow lights, and only the moonlight coldly accompanied our return vessel.

我们的船竟没个伴儿，秦淮河的夜正长哩！到大中桥近处，才遇着一只来船。这是一只载妓的板船，黑漆漆的没有一点光。

Our boat was devoid of company, and the night on the Qinhuai River was still long! Near the Dazhong Bridge, we finally encountered an oncoming boat. It was a black, lightless boat carrying courtesans.

船头上坐着一个妓女；暗里看出，白地小花的衫子，黑的下衣。她手里拉着胡琴，口里唱着青衫的调子。

At the bow sat one courtesan; in the shadows, I could make out a white-patterned top and dark trousers. She held a huqin in her hand and sang a tune from "Qing Shan."

她唱得响亮而圆转；当她的船箭一般驶过去时，余音还袅袅的在我们耳际，使我们倾听而向往。

Her voice was clear and resonant; as her boat shot past like an arrow, the lingering echoes still lingered in our ears, drawing us in like a moth to a flame.

想不到在弩末的游踪里，还能领略到这样的清歌！这时船过大中桥了，森森的水影，如黑暗张着巨口，要将我们的船吞了下去。

Unexpectedly, amidst the gentle sway of the boat, we could still appreciate such a sweet song! Just then the boat passed the Dazhong Bridge, and the shadowy water seemed to open its dark mouth wide, as if attempting to swallow our boat whole.

我们回顾那渺渺的黄光，不胜依恋之情；我们感到了寂寞了！

We looked back at the dim yellow light, unable to suppress our feelings of attachment; we felt the loneliness creeping in!

这一段地方夜色甚浓，又有两头的灯火招邀着；桥外的灯火不用说了，过了桥另有东关头疏疏的灯火。

In this section, the night was incredibly deep, with lights flickering at both ends; the light beyond the bridge was unremarkable, but after crossing it, there were dim lights at the east gate.

我们忽然仰头看见依人的素月，不觉深悔归来之早了！走过东关头，有一两只大船湾泊着，又有几只船向我们来着。

We suddenly raised our heads to see the clear moon above, and impulsively regretted having returned too early! As we passed the east gate, there were one or two large ships anchored, and several boats were approaching us.

嚣嚣的一阵歌声人语，仿佛笑我们无伴的孤舟哩。

A cacophony of singing voices and chatter seemed to mock our solitary vessel.

东关头转湾，河上的夜色更浓了；临水的妓楼上，时时从帘缝里射出一线一线的灯光；仿佛黑暗从酣睡里眨了一眨眼。

As we rounded the east gate bend, the darkness of night deepened further; at the water's edge, the brothel’s lights occasionally flickered through the curtain seams, as if the darkness had blinked awake from a deep slumber.

我们默然的对着，静听那汩——汩的桨声，几乎要入睡了；朦胧里却温寻着适才的繁华的余味。

We sat silently facing each other, listening to the rhythmic splashes of the oars, almost falling asleep; in the haziness, we were searching for the lingering savor of the recent splendor.

我那不安的心在静里愈显活跃了！这时我们都有了不足之感，而我的更其浓厚。

My uneasy heart became even more active in this tranquility! At this moment, we all felt a sense of inadequacy, though mine was even stronger.

我们却又不愿回去，于是只能由懊悔而怅惘了。船里便满载着怅惘了。

Yet, we were reluctant to return, and thus we could only grapple with disappointment and melancholy. The boat was filled with a sense of lamentation.

直到利涉桥下，微微嘈杂的人声，才使我豁然一惊；那光景却又不同。

Until we neared the Lishhe Bridge, the faint sound of voices startled me awake; yet the scene was once again different.

右岸的河房里，都大开了窗户，里面亮着晃晃的电灯，电灯的光射到水上，蜿蜒曲折，闪闪不息，正如跳舞着的仙女的臂膊。

On the right bank, all the river houses had their windows wide open, illuminating with flickering electric lights; the light reflected on the water, winding and shimmering, like the arms of dancing fairies.

我们的船已在她的臂膊里了；如睡在摇篮里一样，倦了的我们便又入梦了。

Our boat was now cradled in their embrace; exhausted, we slipped into slumber once again.

那电灯下的人物，只觉得像蚂蚁一般，更不去萦念。

The figures beneath the electric lights seemed as insignificant as ants, barely registering in our thoughts.

这是最后的梦，可惜是最短的梦！黑暗重复落在我们面前，我们看见傍岸的空船上一星两星的，枯燥无力又摇摇不定的灯光。

This was the final dream, but regrettably, it was the shortest! Darkness fell anew before us, and we saw on the empty boat by the bank one or two dull, flickering lights, feeble and unstable.

我们的梦醒了，我们知道就要上岸了；我们心里充满了幻灭的情思。

Our dreams awoke, and we knew we were about to disembark; our hearts were filled with a sense of disillusionment.