乡村舞会（1）

我在乡村舞会（拖依）上认识了麦西拉。他是一个漂亮温和的年轻人，我一看就很喜欢他。

I met Maxila at the village dance (toy). He is a handsome and gentle young man whom I instantly liked.

可是我这个样子怎么能够走到他面前和他跳舞？——我的鞋子那么脏，裤腿上全是做晚饭时沾的干面糊。我刚干完一天的活，脏外套还没换下来。

But how could I walk up to him and dance? — My shoes are so dirty, and the legs of my pants are covered with leftover dough from cooking dinner. I just finished a day’s work, and I haven’t even changed out of my dirty coat.

最好看的那一件还在家里呢……

The most beautiful outfit is still at home...

于是我飞快地跑回家换衣服，洗了把脸，还特意穿上了熨过的一条裙子。

So I quickly rushed back home to change clothes, washed my face, and deliberately put on an ironed dress.

可是，等我再高高兴兴地、亮晶晶地回到舞会上时，麦西拉已经不在了。他已经走了！真是又失望又难过。

However, when I finally returned to the dance, happy and sparkling, Maxila was already gone. He had left! It was so disappointing and sad.

但又不好意思向人打听什么，只好在舞会角落的柴禾垛上坐下来，希望过一会儿他就会回来。

But I couldn’t bring myself to ask anyone about him, so I just sat down on a haystack in the corner of the dance hall, hoping he would come back after a while.

等了好长时间，不知不觉都过了午夜两点。——舞会是十二点半开始的。

After a long wait, I realized it was already past two o'clock in the morning. — The dance started at half past twelve.

始终是那个在河边开着商店的塔尼木别克在弹电子琴。轮流有人走上去，站在他旁边唱歌，一支接着一支。

It was still that Tanimubek who owned a shop by the river playing the electric piano. One by one, people took turns to step up and sing next to him, one song after another.

围着圆圈转着跳的月亮舞跳过了，“黑走马”也跳过了，三步四步的交际舞也跳过好几轮了，迪斯科正在进行。院子里围簇的年轻人越来越多。

The moon dance had already gone by, “Black Horse” had been danced, and several rounds of social dance had also been completed, while disco was in full swing. More and more young people gathered in the yard.

可是麦西拉就是不来。我在那里越等越难过，可为什么舍不得离开呢？总是会有人前来邀我跳舞，我出于想跳而站起来笑着接受。

But Maxila just didn’t come. I was getting sadder and sadder waiting there, yet I couldn’t bear to leave. People kept coming to invite me to dance, and out of a desire to dance, I got up and smiled to accept.

但心里有事，就是不能更高兴一些。

But I couldn’t feel any happier with something on my mind.

以往这种时候，说不清有多兴奋。简直觉得“拖依”真是太好了，又热闹又能出风头。

In the past, at times like this, I can't express how excited I would feel. I would think that the toy dance was so wonderful, lively, and fashionable.

一个劲儿地在那唱啊，跳啊。玩累了就找个热气腾腾的房间休息一会儿，吃点东西喝点茶。

Everyone would sing, dance, and when tired, find a warm room to rest for a bit, have something to eat and drink some tea.

和一群人围在大炕上弹冬不拉（双弦琴），拉手风琴，喝喝酒，唱唱歌，等暖和过来了再出去接着跳。就这样，三个通宵连在一起也玩不够似的。

Gathered around the big heated kang, playing the dombra (a two-stringed instrument), pulling the accordion, drinking a bit, singing a bit, then warming up before going out to dance again. It seemed like three nights could pass without ever feeling enough.

而今夜似乎没什么不同。场场不缺的阿提坎木大爷仍然来了，所有人都冲他欢呼。

Tonight, however, seemed no different. Uncle Atikamu was still there, and everyone cheered for him.

这个七八十岁的老头儿有趣极了。他不停地做鬼脸，脸拧到了几乎不可能的程度——我是说，他的眼睛和鼻子的位置都可以互相交换。

This old man, in his seventies or eighties, is so interesting. He keeps making funny faces, contorting his face to almost impossible degrees — I mean, he could swap the positions of his eyes and nose.

他看向谁，谁就会不由自主地笑起来。更有意思的是，无论是什么舞曲他全都半蹲在地上扭古老的“黑走马”，边跳还边“呜呜呜”地大声哼哼黑走马的调。

Whoever he looked at would inevitably start laughing. Even more amusingly, no matter what song was playing, he squatted down and danced the old "Black Horse," humming the tune loudly while dancing.

并且只跟着自己哼的调踩舞步，电子琴那边的旋律再怎么响彻云霄也影响不到他。

He only followed the melody he hummed, unaffected by the rest of the music blasting from the electric piano.

他兀自在喧闹的、步履一致的人群缝隙里入神地扭肩、晃动双臂，又像是独自在遥远的过去年代里与那时的人们狂欢。

He was lost in the spirited crowd, twisting his shoulders and shaking his arms, as if celebrating alone in a distant past with people from that time.

他半闭着眼睛，浑身酒气，年迈枯老的身体不是很灵活，但一起一落间稳稳地压着什么东西似的——有所依附，有所着落。

His eyes half-closed, his body reeked of alcohol, old and frail, but in the ups and downs, he seemed to firmly press down on something — anchored, secured.

好像他在空气中发现了惊涛骇浪，发现了另外一个看不到的、和他对舞的情人。音乐只在他衰老的、细微的、准确的，又极深处的感觉里。

It was as if he discovered storms in the air, finding another unseen partner dancing with him. The music only existed in his aged, subtle, precise, and very deep feelings.

舞蹈着的时光是不是他生命最后最华丽最丰盛的时光？

Isn't this dancing time the most splendid and abundant moment of his life?

漂亮的姑娘娜比拉一身的新衣服，往电子琴边招眼地一站，仰起面庞唱起了歌。

The beautiful girl Nabira stood by the electric piano in her new clothes, tilting her face up and started to sing.

歌声尖锐明亮，一波三折，颤抖不已。那是一首我们经常听到的哈语流行歌。全场的人都跟着低声哼了起来。

Her voice was sharp and bright, full of ups and downs, trembling continuously. It was a popular song in our language that we often heard. The entire audience began to hum along quietly.

喧嚣中，我大声地向阿提坎木大爷打问娜比拉正唱着的那支歌是什么意思。他凑过耳朵“什么！什么！”地嚷了半天，最后才听清了并回答道：

In the noise, I loudly asked Uncle Atikamu what the song Nabira was singing meant. He leaned over, shouting “What! What!” for a long time before finally hearing it and replying:

“意思嘛，就是——喜欢上一个丫头了，怎么办？哎呀，喜欢上那个丫头了，实在是太喜欢了，实在是喜欢得没有办法了嘛，怎么办？！……”

"It means — I have fallen for a girl, what should I do? Oh, I really like that girl, I like her too much, I just can't help it, what should I do?!..."

我心里也说：“怎么办？”

I thought to myself, "What should I do?"

但是胖乎乎的家庭主妇阿扎提古丽却说：“这歌嘛，就是说‘你爱我，我爱你’的意思。”

But the chubby housewife Azatikuli said, "The song means ‘you love me, I love you’."

那些嘻嘻哈哈瞎凑热闹的年轻人则这么翻译：“——要是你不爱我的话，过一会儿我就去死掉！”

Those young people joking around translated it as: "— If you don’t love me, I’ll die soon!"

麦西拉又会怎么说呢？这真是一个奇妙的夜晚，我一个劲地想着一个人。并且不知为什么竟有希望。

What would Maxila say then? This truly is a wonderful night, and I can’t help but think of just one person. And for some reason, I felt hopeful.

可是在这样的夜晚发生的一切都无凭无据的啊……

But everything happening on such a night feels so insubstantial...

我从人群中溜出来，找了个安静些的房间坐了一会儿。房间里火墙边的烤箱上搁着几只干净碗，旁边茶壶里的水烧得滚开。

I slipped away from the crowd and found a quieter room to sit for a while. There were several clean bowls on the oven by the fire wall, and the water in the kettle beside it was boiling.

我倒了碗黑茶，偎着烤箱慢慢地喝，又把冰凉的手伸进烤箱里面暖和。越想越无趣，犹豫着要不要回家算了。

I poured a bowl of black tea, nestled next to the oven, and slowly drank while warming my icy hands inside. I felt increasingly bored, hesitating whether to just go home.

这时外面换了一支慢一些的曲子，我把剩下的茶一口喝尽，重新出去走回跳舞的人群里。

At this moment, a slower tune played outside. I downed the remaining tea in one gulp and walked back into the dancing crowd.

外面人更多了。凌晨的温度也降得更低了，所有人嘴边一团白气。没有跳舞的人站在空地里使劲跺脚。

There were even more people outside. The temperature had dropped even lower past midnight, and everyone's breath turned into clouds of mist. Those not dancing stamped their feet hard in the open space.

但是个个脸庞发光，目光热烈，一点儿也没有嫌冷的意思。往往是两个人跳着跳着就停下来，携手离开人群，去到挂满彩纸的树下、门前的台阶旁、柴禾垛边、走廊尽头的长凳上、安静的房间里……进行另外的谈话……没完没了……今夜真正开始。

Yet, every face shone, and their eyes radiated warmth, showing no signs of feeling cold. Often, two people would stop dancing, hand in hand, leaving the crowd to talk underneath a tree adorned with colored paper, by the steps in front of the door, beside the haystack, on a long bench at the end of the corridor, or in a quiet room... having other endless conversations... tonight was just beginning.

电子琴边换了一个小男孩在弹，和着曲子有一句没一句地唱着歌。他不唱的时候，会有暗处的另外一人接着下一句唱下去。

A little boy replaced the previous player by the electric piano, singing along, barely keeping up with the music. When he didn’t sing, another hidden voice in the dark would continue the next line.

院子角落煮过抓肉的篝火快要燃尽了，星星点点地在灰烬中闪烁着。我又待了一会儿，胡思乱想了一会儿，真的该回家了。

The bonfire in the corner that cooked the meat was almost burned out, sparkling with a few flecks in the ashes. I lingered a bit longer, indulging in my thoughts, knowing it was really time to go home.

终于，凌晨三点钟时，我的男朋友库兰来了。他实在是一个令人愉快的伙伴，我们一见面就抱在一起，大声叫着对方的名字，边喊边跳、又叫又闹的。

Finally, at three o'clock in the morning, my boyfriend Kuran arrived. He is genuinely a delightful companion; upon seeing each other, we embraced, shouting each other's names, jumping and making noise together.

所有跳舞的人也都扭过脸看着我们笑。到现在为止，感觉才好了一些，以往在舞会上体会过的那种出于年轻才有的快乐又完整地回来了。

All the dancers turned to look at us and smiled. Until now, I felt a bit better; the youthful joy I had experienced at dances returned completely.

我们跳着跳着就会大声地笑，也说不出有什么好笑的。这支舞曲像是没有尽头似的，节奏激烈。我浑身都是汗，但是停不下来，也没法觉得累。

As we danced, we laughed loudly, unable to articulate why it was funny. This dance seemed endless, with an intense rhythm. I was drenched in sweat but could not stop, nor could I feel tired.

我旋转的时候，一抬头，似乎看到了星空。而四周舞者们的身影都不见了，只剩一片热烈的舞蹈。

When I twirled, I seemed to see the starry sky. The surroundings faded away, and only the fervent dance remained.

库兰五岁。脏兮兮、胖乎乎的，是个小光头。他和阿提坎木大爷一样，也只跳黑走马，两只胖乎乎的小胳膊扭得跟蝴蝶似的上下翻飞。

Kuran was five years old. Dirty, chubby, and bald, he, like Uncle Atikamu, only danced the Black Horse, his little chunky arms flailing about like a butterfly.

更多的时候只是扯着我的裙子满场打转，根本就是在疯闹嘛。我也不想一本正经地好好跳舞，就随他乱蹦乱扭着。

Most of the time, he just tugged at my dress, spinning around wildly, really just causing a ruckus. I didn’t feel like dancing seriously; I just let him bounce around.

音乐迫在耳旁，身体不得不动起来。再加上这周围这么多的舞蹈的身体呀，这么多的暗示……

The music was pressing in my ears, and my body had to move. Plus, with so many bodies dancing around me, so many suggestions...

其实我并不会跳黑走马的，我只会随着音乐拿架势。大家都说我架势摆得蛮像的。

Actually, I couldn't dance the Black Horse; I just posed to the music. Everyone said I posed quite well.

但我自己知道，其中那种微妙的，微妙的……“灵魂”一样的东西，是自己陌生的，永远拿捏不稳的。

But I knew this subtle, subtle... "soul-like" thing within was unfamiliar to me, something I could never grasp steadily.

……今夜永无止境，年轻的想法也永无止境。

...Tonight was never-ending, and youthful thoughts were likewise endless.

但是……库兰太厉害了，一支接一支地跳，精力无穷。快四点钟时，我已经跳得肚子疼了，而他还跟刚刚开始一样起劲。

But… Kuran was too much; one dance after another, he was boundless in energy. By four o'clock, my stomach hurt from dancing, while he still had the vigor of just starting.

一分钟都不让我休息，拽着我的裙子，一圈一圈地打转。而麦西拉还不来……我在这儿干什么呀！

He didn’t let me rest for a single minute, pulling me around in circles. And Maxila still hadn’t come... What was I doing here?

尤其是当我看到我的浅色裙子上被小家伙的小脏手捏黑了一大片的时候，突然一下子难过得快哭出来。

Especially when I saw a large black smudge on my light-colored dress from the little guy's dirty hands, I suddenly felt so sad that I almost cried.

舞会上这会儿冷清了一些，气氛却更浓稠了一些。场上只剩下了年轻人，老人和夫妇们都回去休息了，新郎新娘早已退场。

The dance hall had quieted down a bit, but the atmosphere became thicker. There were only young people left; the old folks and couples had returned to rest, and the newlyweds had long exited.

弹电子琴的那个小伙子开始一支接一支地弹起了流行歌曲。不知为什么，我开始尴尬起来，很不是滋味似的。

The young man playing the electric piano began playing a stream of pop songs. For some reason, I started to feel awkward, and it was an uncomfortable sensation.

觉得自己是在拿小库兰“打掩护”……觉得自己永远是一个“独自”的人。唉，有些时候，没有爱情真是丢人……

I felt as if I was using little Kuran as a "shield"... feeling forever like a "loner." Alas, sometimes not having love really feels shameful...

幸好这时，库兰的妈妈来找他回家睡觉，于是小家伙就连哭带闹地被抱走了。他的妈妈又高又胖，轻轻松松地夹他在胳肢窝里，随他两条小短腿在空中怎么踢腾。

Fortunately, at that moment, Kuran's mother came to take him home to sleep, and the little guy was carried away, crying and making a fuss. His mother, tall and plump, easily tucked him under her arm, letting his short legs kick in the air.

我更是心灰意冷，终于决定离开，并且因太过沮丧而瞌睡万分。

I felt even more disheartened, finally deciding to leave, and due to my gloominess, I felt extremely sleepy.