要是在喀吾图生病了的话……

喀吾图的医院实在是一个很奇怪的地方。

The hospital in Kawutu is indeed a very strange place.

占地倒是挺大的，两排平房夹着个大院子，中间还有升国旗的地方。

It covers a large area, with two rows of bungalows flanking a big courtyard, and there’s even a place for raising the national flag in the middle.

国旗两边，一边种着两三亩向日葵，另一边是大棚韭菜地。

On both sides of the national flag, there are two to three acres of sunflowers on one side and a greenhouse of leeks on the other.

医生也不少，一人一个办公室，严肃地坐着。

There are quite a few doctors, each with their own office, sitting there seriously.

但没有可以让你挂号的、划价的、取药的。

But there’s no place for you to register, settle fees, or get your medicine.

要看病的话，一个大夫就可以给你包完。

If you want to see a doctor, one physician can take care of everything for you.

他们会很严肃地给你切脉啊看舌苔啊量血压啊什么什么的，再严肃地拿听诊器前前后后听个没完没了，然后更严肃地给你开药。

They will seriously check your pulse, look at your tongue, and measure your blood pressure, then seriously listen to your heart with a stethoscope endlessly, and then more seriously write you a prescription.

你要是对病情有什么疑问的话，越是问他，他越是什么也不肯说。

If you have any questions about your illness, the more you ask, the less he is willing to say.

他严肃地从他自己左手边的抽屉里摸索半天，摸出一个玻璃瓶，严肃地拧开盖子，往左手手心里倒出一把白药片，然后用右手手指在那堆药里点点点点点……

He will seriously fumble around in his left-hand drawer for a long time, pull out a glass bottle, seriously twist off the cap, pour a handful of white pills into his left palm, and then use his right finger to point at the pile of pills, counting them…

非常负责地数出一百到两百粒（足够你再病五次的），剩下的原倒回瓶子，再很大方地“刷——”地从正在看着的杂志上撕下半页纸，严肃地给你把药整整齐齐包好：“一天三次，一次三粒。”

Very responsibly counting out a hundred to two hundred pills (enough for you to be sick five more times), putting the remainder back in the bottle, and then very generously ripping off half a page from the magazine he’s looking at, seriously packaging the medicine neatly for you: “Three times a day, three pills each.”

——太可疑了，我那点小病，吓都给吓好了。

—So suspicious, my little ailment was scared away.

除了开药以外，他们还会给人挂吊针。

Aside from prescribing medicine, they also administer IV drips.

对了，我对别人说，那些医生开药开得让人真不放心。

Oh right, I told others that those doctors really make patients uneasy with how they prescribe medication.

听的人一般都很吃惊。

People are usually quite surprised.

原来到目前为止，所有人中还只有我一个人享受到开药的待遇。

As it turns out, so far, I am the only one among everyone enjoying the privilege of being prescribed medication.

而其他的人，一进医院，二话不说，先给你戳一针挂几瓶吊针再说。

Everyone else, as soon as they enter the hospital, without saying a word, just jab you with a needle and hang you on an IV drip.

管你大病小病，反正只有吊针。

Whether your ailment is serious or minor, it’s only IV drips for you.

果真如此。

And indeed it was so.

当我第二次和那个医院打交道时，就没那么幸运了，也老老实实给灌了两瓶。

The second time I had to deal with that hospital, I wasn’t so lucky; I also obediently got two bottles.

那次生病是我跟着一些人到河上游一个叫汤拜其的水库打鱼引起的。

That illness was caused by going fishing with a group of people at a reservoir called Tangbaiqi by the river.

那群人里其中有一个人话特多。

Among that group, there was one person who talked a lot.

我也不认识他，但是他总是很严厉地给我安排各种工作。

I didn’t know him, but he was always very sternly assigning me various tasks.

我估计这人一定在乡政府上班。

I figured he must work at the township government.

我站在河心齐腰深的地方帮忙拉网，冻得牙齿打颤也不敢松手，因为大家都没有松手。

I stood in the middle of the river, waist-deep, helping to pull the nets, freezing and trembling but not daring to let go, because no one else did.

但那个人还是不满意，嫌我网拉得太低了。

But the person was still not satisfied, complaining that I was pulling the net too low.

真让人生气，我个子就那么高啊。

So frustrating, I’m only that tall!

我只好抱怨说：“我快要感冒了！”

I had no choice but to complain, “I’m about to catch a cold!”

他回答得挺慷慨：“我给你报销医药费。”

He generously replied, “I’ll reimburse you for your medical expenses.”

结果我真的感冒了，回到家就躺在床上起不来，我妈把我弄到医院。

As a result, I really caught a cold, and when I got home I just lay in bed and couldn’t get up; my mother took me to the hospital.

没想到，那个人也躺在那里奄奄一息地挂吊针，于是我就不好意思提醒他报销医药费的事了。

Unexpectedly, that person was also lying there, weak and hanging on an IV drip, so I felt embarrassed to remind him about the reimbursement for medical expenses.

令人诧异的是，在那个医院里，我居然和乡政府的干部得到了一视同仁的待遇。

What was surprising was that in that hospital, I was actually treated the same as the township government official.

挂同样的点滴，坐同样的冷板凳，同样问不出自己的病情如何，并且同时挂完点滴。

Receiving the same IV drip, sitting on the same cold bench, being unable to figure out my own illness, and finishing the IV drip together.

最后又同时发现：医院里所有人都下班了……

Finally, we discovered at the same time: everyone in the hospital had finished their work and went home...

他们不管我们就下班了倒也罢了，居然连门都不锁就下班了！

They didn't even bother with us before leaving; they actually left the door unlocked!

那一位真不愧是乡政府的干部啊，见多识广，处惊不变。

That person was indeed worthy of being a government official; he was quite experienced and remained calm.

在他的提议下，我们互相给对方取出了针头。

At his suggestion, we took out the needles from each other.

总之，要是在喀吾图生病了的话，自己想办法对付一下得了，没事少去医院，怪麻烦的。

In short, if you get sick in Kawutu, it’s better to figure things out on your own and go to the hospital less; it’s quite troublesome.

除了医院以外，喀吾图还有一个地方能够看病，是个私人诊所，挂出的牌子上写的是“专家门诊”。

Besides the hospital, there is also a place to see a doctor in Kawutu, which is a private clinic with a sign that says "Specialist Outpatient."

这个专家听说是喀吾图医院过去的老院长，退休后继续发挥余热。

This specialist is said to be the former director of the Kawutu hospital, who continued to contribute his expertise after retirement.

我们都管他叫“胖医生”。

We all call him "Dr. Fat."

既然是胖医生，肯定就是说他很胖喽。

Since he is called Dr. Fat, it must mean he is quite overweight.

所以我们生病时很少会想到去他那里——他实在是太胖了！

Therefore, when we are sick, we seldom think of going to him—he is just too fat!

一个人怎么能够胖成这样呢？

How can a person be this fat?

自己的身体都没法保重，这样的医生能让人信任吗？

If he can't even take care of his own body, can such a doctor be trusted?

如果说，在喀吾图我见过的最胖的女人是温孜拉的妈妈，那么，我见过的最胖的男人就非这个胖医生莫属了。

If I say that the fattest woman I’ve seen in Kawutu is the mother of Wenzila, then the fattest man I’ve seen is undoubtedly this Dr. Fat.

怎么说呢？

How to put it?

他裤子的一条裤腿，就够我宽宽松松地改一条连衣裙穿了。

One leg of his trousers is wide enough to be used to modify a loose-fitting dress for me.

但是这个比喻一点儿也不好，他的裤子总是那么脏。

However, this metaphor is not very good; his pants are always so dirty.

不过，这个胖医生两三岁的小孙子却漂亮得不得了，一团白雪似的，眼睛滴溜溜地转个不停，睫毛又翘又浓又长。

But this Dr. Fat’s two or three-year-old grandson is incredibly beautiful, like a snowball, with bright eyes that keep rolling around, and thick, long eyelashes.

总是给剃成光头，只有后脑勺那儿留了铜钱大的一撮头发，编了根细细软软的小辫儿，还扎着红头绳儿。

He is always shaved bald, with just a coin-sized tuft of hair left on the back of his head, braided into a delicate little braid, tied with a red ribbon.

一天到晚，这个肉乎乎的小东西连滚带爬地跑过去，再连滚带爬地跑过来。

All day long, this chubby little thing runs around, tumbling and rolling.

他的胖爷爷从边防站（和他的诊所就隔着一条马路）挑水回来，走了没几步路就气喘吁吁地坐在路边的石头上休息。

His fat grandfather, having fetched water back from the border station (just across the road from his clinic), only walked a few steps before gasping for breath and sitting down on a stone at the roadside to rest.

这小孩子便歪歪扭扭冲过去，一路上不停地摔着跤。

This little child, wobbling over, fell down repeatedly along the way.

终于跑到跟前，小身子一纵，两只小胳膊紧紧搂着爷爷的大胖腿，整个身子吊在上面，铃铛一样笑得脆生生的。

Finally getting close, his little body jumped up, two little arms tightly hugging his grandfather’s big fat leg, his whole body dangling as he laughed like a bell.

我在村里走，只要一看到这小东西，就忍不住一把逮过来。

When I’m walking around the village, as soon as I see this little one, I can’t help but grab him.

捏他的脸，拧他的小鼻子，再拽着他的小胳膊拉了又拉，看看到底是不是假的……

I pinch his face, twist his little nose, then pull on his little arms to see if he’s real…

怎么会生得这么漂亮呢？

How can he be so beautiful?

为什么胖医生又那么……

And why is Dr. Fat so…

自从那次喀吾图乡医院的吊针弄好了我的感冒后，鼻子就一直囊囊地堵着。

Ever since that time my cold was cured by the IV drip at the Kawutu township hospital, my nose has remained congested.

有一天在路上碰到胖医生，就顺口问了一下这是什么原因。

One day I bumped into Dr. Fat on the road and casually asked him what the reason was.

他慎重地想了想，说：“过敏性鼻炎。”

He thought carefully and said, “Allergic rhinitis.”

——“过敏性鼻炎”！多么专业的名词！从那以后，我就再也不敢小瞧他了。

—“Allergic rhinitis”! What a professional term! From then on, I dared not underestimate him anymore.

我决定去他那里看病。

I decided to go see him for treatment.

他的诊所的牌子挂在村头马路一侧的土墙上。

The sign for his clinic hangs on the earthen wall along the road at the village entrance.

白色的，一尺见方，上面一个细弱无力的红十字，下面有“专家门诊”四个黑色汉字，再下面的哈文字母是绿色的。

It’s white, about a foot square, with a weak red cross on top, followed by the black Chinese characters “Expert Outpatient,” and below that, the green letters in the Hanko script.

我绕着院子转了一大圈才找到入口。

I circled the courtyard once before finding the entrance.

那是围墙上的一截豁口，豁口处一上一下横担着两根木头，算是大门。

It was a gap in the surrounding wall, with two pieces of wood horizontally spanning it to serve as a gate.

我们这里的绝大部分人家的大门都是这样的，只挡牲畜不挡人。

Most of the families here have gates like this, which only block animals, not people.

我从两根木头中间翻过去，进到他们家院子里。

I climbed over the two pieces of wood and entered their courtyard.

胖专家十三岁的小儿子正光着膀子在院子角落的空地上夯哧夯哧地翻打盖房用的土坯块。

Dr. Fat’s thirteen-year-old son was working shirtless in the corner of the courtyard, tirelessly making mud bricks for building.

阳光热烈地投在他黝黑明亮的脊背上。

The bright sunlight poured onto his dark, shiny back.

院子里的一群母鸡冷不丁看到来了个生人，一个个咋咋呼呼地扑腾着翅膀往院子西面那片菜地飞奔而去。

A group of hens in the yard suddenly saw a stranger and flapped their wings, clucking away toward the vegetable garden on the west side of the yard.

只有院子北侧的那套土坯房粉刷了石灰，还挂着白色的门帘，于是我对直往那里走去。

Only the set of mud-brick houses on the north side had been coated with lime and hung with a white door curtain, so I walked straight towards there.

推开门，迎面横着一条短短的走廊，对面和走廊两边的尽头各有一扇门。

As I pushed open the door, I was greeted by a short corridor, with a door at each end and another on the opposite side.

我循着声音往左手走，果然，一推门就看到胖专家稳稳当当地坐在一张过去年代才有的那种淡蓝色木漆长条桌后。

Following the sound, I walked to the left and indeed, as soon as I opened the door, I saw Dr. Fat sitting steadily behind a light blue wooden table, a style from long ago.

哪怕是很稳当地舒服地坐着，他仍不住地喘着粗气，好像就那样坐着也是极累人的事。

Even sitting comfortably, he continued to breathe heavily, as if just sitting was a tiring task.

排在我前面的是一个给孩子拿药的父亲，他正在那里小心翼翼地给胖专家描绘孩子的病症。

In front of me was a father carefully describing his child’s symptoms to Dr. Fat while picking up medicine.

胖专家哼哼啊啊地答应着，不时浑浊地咳嗽一阵。

Dr. Fat was making grunt noises in reply, occasionally coughing thickly.

我在房间里一角远远坐着，努力忍受他嘴里那股浓重的令人不快的味道。

I sat in a corner of the room, doing my best to endure the uncomfortable strong smell from his mouth.

并暗暗决定，待会儿轮到我时，一定要拼命找话说，尽量不留给他张嘴的机会。

I secretly decided that when it’s my turn, I must find ways to talk and avoid giving him a chance to speak.

那边，我们的胖专家已经在开药了。

Over there, our Dr. Fat was already writing a prescription.

他迟缓犹疑地把手伸进外套口袋。

He slowly and hesitantly reached into his coat pocket.

想了想，又伸进长裤口袋。

After thinking for a moment, he reached into his long pants pocket.

很仔细地摸索了一阵，半天才掏出一串钥匙来。

He meticulously searched for a while and finally pulled out a bunch of keys.

然后细心地找到其中一把最小的，看了看，再翻个面又看了看。

Then he carefully found the smallest key among them, looked at it, then flipped it over to look again.

凝视五秒钟后才确定正是这把。

After staring at it for five seconds, he finally confirmed it was the right one.

接下来再以一种慢得令人无法理解的速度将钥匙插向写字台中间那个抽屉上的锁孔……

Next, at an incomprehensibly slow pace, he inserted the key into the lockhole on the middle drawer of his writing desk…

亏他蒲扇似的一双大手，捏着那么小的一枚钥匙，开那么小的锁！

How could he, with his fan-like big hands, manipulate such a small key to open such a tiny lock!

由于总是瞄不准锁孔，喘息越来越急促……

Since he always aimed inaccurately at the lock, his breathing became increasingly labored…

我真想冲上去，一把抢过钥匙，三下五除二替他打开算了。

I really wanted to rush over, grab the key from him, and open it in no time.

但是，在自己家里上什么锁啊？

But what kind of lock would he be using in his own home?

后来总算打开了，为此他都笑出声来了。

Finally, he managed to unlock it, and for that, he broke into a laugh.

然后微笑着抬起头，仰着下巴，伸手进去摸索。

Then he smiled and lifted his head, stretching his hand inside to fumble around.

再一拖，像变戏法似的拖出来长长的，似乎是没有尽头的一串花花绿绿的塑料包——哦，是“儿童感冒冲剂”。

When he pulled a long string of brightly colored plastic packets out, as if by magic—oh, it was “Children’s Cold Granules.”

他又接着在抽屉里摸，摸出一个老花镜，端端正正戴上。

He continued to rummage in the drawer, taking out an old pair of reading glasses and putting them on carefully.

然后用圆圆粗粗的手指捏着那些串连在一起的冲剂包，一个一个，慢而认真地数。

Then, with his round, thick fingers, he pinched each of those connected granule packets, one by one, slowly and attentively counting.

当数到十五或二十包的时候，不小心数差了，只好从头再来。

When he reached fifteen or twenty packets, he accidentally miscounted and had to start over.

那个坐在对面的父亲也帮他一起喃喃念着：“……八、九、十、十一……”——看着两个大男人如此耐心而郑重对付这么一个两位数内的数字，实在有趣……

The father sitting across from him also helped him murmur along: “…eight, nine, ten, eleven…”—watching two big men patiently and solemnly deal with such a double-digit number was truly amusing…

他们就那样没完没了地数啊数啊，听他们数到三十包时，心里不由得同情起那个可怜的病孩子了。

They just kept counting, and upon hearing them reach thirty packets, I couldn’t help but feel sympathy for that poor sick child.

恐怕他的病好过十天之后，还得不得不努力服用剩下的……

Perhaps after his illness resolves in ten days, he will still have to effortfully consume the leftovers…

终于数完了。

Finally, they finished counting.

我们的胖医生一手捏着数出来的最后一包药，另一手慢吞吞地摘掉眼镜，又慢吞吞地在抽屉里摸半天，这回是一把剪刀。

Our Dr. Fat was holding the last packet he had counted in one hand, and with the other hand, he slowly took off his glasses, then slowly fumbled in the drawer for a long time, this time for a pair of scissors.

他的抽屉真是百宝箱一个。

His drawer truly was a treasure chest.

剪刀当然是用来把那些连在一起的药包分开的，可他一剪刀下去，却把一包药从中间分开了……

The scissors were certainly intended to separate those connected medication packets, but when he snipped, one packet split in half…

细碎的药粒撒了一桌子。

Fine little granules scattered all over the table.

看来，眼镜摘得太早了。

It seemed he had taken off his glasses too early.

他嘟噜了两声“不”，慢吞吞地把那些撒落的颗粒在桌面上聚拢成一堆，再用一只手将它们抹到另一只手的手心。

He mumbled “no” a couple of times, slowly gathered the scattered particles into a pile on the table, and then with one hand swept them into the palm of the other.

我当然会认为他要把它们扔弃不要了。

I naturally thought he was going to throw them away.

但是他只是那么撮着，一点儿也没有想处理掉的意思。

But he just kept gathering them, showing no sign of wanting to dispose of them.

接下来我想他也许会找张纸什么的来把它们包起来吧！

Next, I thought he might look for a piece of paper to wrap them up!

他也的确试着这样做了，他东看看、西看看，又在空空的桌子上摸了摸。

He did indeed try to do so, looking around east and west, then groping on the empty table.

最后作了一个“实在没有办法”的手势，直接把这撮药粒从自己的手心倒进了那个可怜的父亲手心里。

Finally, he gestured helplessly, directly dumping the heap of medication granules from his palm into the hand of that poor father.

接下来我又想错了。

Then I made another mistake.

他给人家弄坏了一包药，总该会给人家再赔一包吧？

He had spoiled a packet of medicine for someone; surely he would give him another packet as compensation?

可是——我眼睁睁地看着他把剩下一长串药有条不紊地全部收了起来，给抽屉仔细地上了锁……

However—I watched him in disbelief as he meticulously collected the entire remaining long string of medicines, carefully locking the drawer…

那倒霉的父亲用手心捏着那撮药，左也不是，右也不是。

That unfortunate father, holding those granules in his hand, seemed lost as to what to do.

最后干脆一张嘴一仰脖子，统统倒进嘴里吞了。

Finally, he simply opened his mouth and tilted his neck, swallowing everything down.

接下来就轮到了我。

Next, it was my turn.

要不是我还处在惊奇之中尚未反应过来，就早溜了……

If not for still being in shock and not having reacted, I would have left by now…

我想我至少还得再修炼二十年才能达到当地乡亲们的功力。

I thought I would need at least another twenty years of training to reach the level of the local villagers.

现在还不行，见山是山，见水是水，动不动就大惊小怪……

Not yet, when I see a mountain, it’s a mountain; when I see water, it’s water—always making a fuss…

于是我就绝口不提生病的事了，我直接找他要螺旋霉素。

So I decided to say nothing about being sick, and I directly asked him for spiramycin.

这回倒很顺利，除了贵一点，倒是没出什么意外。

This time it went very smoothly; aside from being a bit expensive, there were no unforeseen issues.

但是找钱时他少给我找了三毛钱。

However, when giving me change, he accidentally shortchanged me thirty cents.

其实也就三毛钱而已，我会当是他上了年纪，不小心找错了。

Actually, it was just thirty cents; I thought he must be getting on in years and made an error in change.

我站起来要走了，可他这时偏偏要给我解释一下：“那三毛钱是手续费……”

I stood up to leave, but at that moment he insisted on explaining to me: “That thirty cents is a handling charge…”

手续费？没听错吧？

A handling charge? Did I hear that right?

我自己来买药，一手交钱一手交货，也没让他诊断，没让他动用他的专业知识开药，哪来的手续？

I came to buy medicine myself, handing over the money and receiving the goods with no diagnosis from him, no application of his professional knowledge to write the prescription—what handling charges could there be?

他想了想，又说：“是挂号费。”

He thought for a moment and said: “It's a registration fee.”

我捏着那盒药从他家出来，顶着大太阳想了很久。

I held the box of medicine as I walked out of his house, under the blazing sun, thinking for a long time.

他们家的鸡也不怕我了，围着我刨土扒食的，还啄我的鞋带，扬得我裤脚边上扑了一圈白白的灰。

Even his chickens were no longer afraid of me, pecking at the ground around me for food, and pecking at my shoelaces, causing a cloud of white dust around my pants’ hems.

他家的小儿子还在阳光下安静地、汗流如瀑地干活。

His little son was still working quietly and sweatily in the sunlight.