喀吾图的永远之处（2）

喀吾图酒鬼最多的日子就是教师节放假的那一天。若是一连几天都没人来买酒，马路上也看不到有人醉倒在雪堆里，那么那几天一定是教育系统正在进行年度学习考核，所有人都跑到县上填试卷去了。

The day with the most alcoholics in Kavutou is the day when Teacher's Day has a holiday. If for several consecutive days nobody comes to buy alcohol, and you can't see anyone passed out in the snow on the road, then those days must be when the education system is conducting its annual learning assessment, and everyone has gone to the county to fill out test papers.

真不知道这些家伙平时是怎样为人师表的。

I really don't know how these guys manage to set an example for others in their daily lives.

再回过头来说我们的白毛。总之我对这人的印象实在好极了，至少他从来不爬柜台。每次都优雅得体地半倚在柜台边，手持杯子慢慢抿。而别人则直接握着酒瓶子灌。

Back to our white-haired friend. All in all, I have an excellent impression of this person; at least he never climbs over the counter. He always elegantly leans half against the edge of the counter, slowly sipping from his cup, while others just grab the bottle and pour.

他花白的头发一丝不苟，明亮而富有弹性，头发下的面孔漂亮俊美。

His grizzled hair is meticulously groomed, bright and elastic, and the face beneath it is handsome and attractive.

有一天白天里他也来了（酒鬼们一般晚上才光临），拎着孙子的破皮鞋（我们家还兼补鞋子的生意）。

One day during the daytime, he came in (alcoholics usually only visit at night), holding a pair of his grandson's worn-out shoes (our family also does shoe repairs).

我叔叔问：“这么大的鞋子，孩子得有好几岁了吧？”

My uncle asked, "Such big shoes; the kid must be several years old, right?"

“这是最小的，八岁了。”

"This is the smallest size; he's eight years old."

“那你多大年龄？”

"And how old are you?"

“再过两个月嘛，六十整。”

"In two months, I’ll be sixty years old."

他要了一瓶啤酒和一个杯子，自斟自饮，等着取鞋子。

He ordered a bottle of beer and a cup, poured it for himself, and waited to pick up the shoes.

“你这个白毛，一年四季喝，咋没见喝出大鼻子（酒糟鼻）？”叔叔一边给鞋子钉掌子，一边说。

"Hey, old white-haired man, you drink all year round. How come we don't see you with a big nose (alcoholic nose)?" my uncle said while nailing the shoes.

“快了快了。”

"Soon, soon."

“不喝不行吗？”

"Can you not drink?"

“为啥不喝？喀吾图这个地方嘛，就只剩下酒了。”

"Why not drink? In Kavutou, only alcohol is left."

我在旁边愣了一下。

I paused for a moment.

鞋子补好了，白毛付过钱就走了。他离去时我在后面看了一会儿，他的背影是个真正的老人的背影。

Once the shoes were fixed, the white-haired man paid and left. I watched him for a while from behind as he left, and his back looked like that of a real old man.

虽然脊背很直，但肩膀已经垮了下来，两臂松弛。身上那件笔挺板正的外套后面，横着几道坐后留下的褶痕。

Although his back was straight, his shoulders had already slumped down, and his arms were loose. The impeccably tailored jacket he wore had a few creases left from sitting.

另外裤脚也有些脏了。满头的白发在风中全往一边飘扬。

Moreover, the cuffs of his pants were a bit dirty. His head of white hair fluttered in one direction in the wind.

喀吾图的整个冬天似乎都是泡在酒里的。天空有时候明亮深蓝，有时候阴郁沉暗。而大地不变，白茫茫直到天边。深色的牛群，一只一只在远处缓缓走动。

It seems that the entire winter in Kavutou is soaked in alcohol. Sometimes the sky is bright blue, while at other times it is gloomy and dark. And the earth remains unchanged, white and vast to the horizon. Dark-colored cattle move slowly in the distance, one by one.

这时传来了歌声，像是通过酒的液体传来了歌声。明丽、尖锐，使人眩晕。

At that moment, singing could be heard, as if the voice came through the liquid of alcohol. Bright, sharp, making people dizzy.

唱歌的是对面马路上开小馆子的三个寡妇。

The singers were three widows who ran a small tavern across the street.

对了，喀吾图有一个奇怪的惯例，只要是饭馆，统统是寡妇开的；只要是女人，一朝成了寡妇，可干的事情似乎只有开饭馆。

By the way, Kavutou has a strange custom; all the restaurants are run by widows. As soon as a woman becomes widowed, her only option seems to be to open a restaurant.

话说这三个寡妇的合唱从下午持续到深夜。去看热闹的人回来都说三个人喝酒喝得脸都黑了，眼睛通红。但拉起嗓子来一起张嘴一起闭嘴，认真到位，还一点儿不跑调。

Speaking of those three widows, their chorus continued from the afternoon until late at night. People who went to see the commotion came back saying that the three of them had drunk to the point their faces turned black and their eyes red. But when they sang together, they opened their mouths and closed them in unison, serious and in time, without missing a note.

我妈很闲，居然好心地跑去劝她们少喝点。惹得三人扑上来，拉起架势要和我妈拼命。她们谁都不承认自己喝酒了，满嘴酒气地问我妈什么意思，简直败坏她们的名誉。

My mother, being quite idle, actually went over to urge them to drink a little less. The three of them came at her, ready to fight. None of them admitted to having drunk, breath reeking of alcohol, and asked my mother what she meant, as if she was ruining their reputation.

第二天一个一个酒醒了，都悄悄的，该干啥干啥。

The next day, one by one, they woke up from their drunkenness and quietly went about their business.

我妈真的很闲，这时居然又跑去说“下次可别再喝这么多了”。

My mother was really idle, and at that moment, she went over again to say, "Next time, don't drink so much again."

可把三个人气坏了，气得又聚到一起，以酒释郁。

This infuriated the three of them, making them gather again and drink to relieve their grievances.

我们左邻那家开小饭馆的寡妇吐尔逊罕——我们都昵称为“吐滚”的，生得很有些风情。虽说不是特别漂亮，但眉眼活灵活现的。

The widow Tuerxunhan from the small tavern next door—whom we all nicknamed "Tugun"—is quite charming. Although not exceptionally beautiful, her eyes are vibrant and expressive.

瘦瘦的身子很窈窕的样子，穿什么都好看。

Her slim figure looks elegant in anything she wears.

特马其林场的看守员每次下山都会在她那儿住。这个看守员也是个很漂亮的人，和吐滚站在一起，谁都说这一对儿太般配了。

The watchman from the Temachilin ranch would stay at her place every time he descended the mountain. This watchman is also a good-looking man, and everyone says this pair looks too well-matched together.

我们的看守员长着满头浅褐的头发，于是又被我们叫做“黄毛”。他整天到我们这儿来喝酒，被我们整天这么叫来叫去，叫到后来，全喀吾图的人都这么叫了。

Our watchman has a head full of light brown hair, so we began calling him "Huangmao." He came to our place to drink all day and was called that by everyone until eventually, all of Kavutou used the same name.

于是他的本名再也没了。就连吐滚来我家商店找他回家，也这么说：“黄毛在吗？”

Thus, his proper name was forgotten. Even when Tugun came to our store looking for him, she would say, "Is Huangmao here?"

吐滚一个人操持饭馆，非常辛苦。听说当地的风俗是寡妇再婚的话，前夫的孩子得还给前夫的家族。

Tugun manages the tavern alone and works very hard. It’s said that the local custom is that if a widow remarries, she has to return her deceased husband’s children to his family.

因此她一个人再苦也不愿意再婚。好在三个孩子都懂事，小小年纪就知道帮家里干活。

Therefore, she refuses to remarry, no matter how difficult it is for her alone. Fortunately, her three children are sensible and help out at home from a young age.

尤其是老二，每天早早地就拿着钥匙来饭馆开门，洒扫、擦洗、生炉子。然后挑着空桶去村头河边挑水，把水缸挑满了，这个八岁的女孩才背着书包去上学。

Especially the second child, who gets up early every day with her key to open the tavern, sweeping, cleaning, and starting the fire. Then she carries an empty bucket to the river at the village head to fill the water jar, and only then does this eight-year-old girl go to school with her backpack.

老二又是三个孩子中最漂亮的一个，两只眼睛跟两朵波斯菊似的，让人看一眼就满心疼爱。

The second child is also the most beautiful among the three, her eyes like two blooming Persian daisies, making one feel a pang of love just to look at her.

但是她非常沉默，举止傲气，性情固执，像个小大人一样。

However, she is very quiet, with a proud demeanor, and stubborn temperament, acting like a little adult.

虽然有时候孩子们的成长让人不安，但喀吾图永远没有太复杂的事情，没人会想得更多。

Although sometimes the growth of the children is worrisome, Kavutou never has overly complex matters; no one thinks too much.

只是有一天黄毛突然跑来问我们：“你们天天‘黄毛’‘黄毛’地叫我，‘黄毛’是什么意思？”

One day, however, Huangmao suddenly came to ask us, "You all call me 'Huangmao' every day; what does 'Huangmao' mean?"

喀吾图的冬天漫长得让人不能相信这样的冬天也会有结束的时候。

The winter in Kavutou is long enough that one cannot believe such a winter will ever end.

古尔邦节到了。

Then came the Corban Festival.

这时，店里的生意掀起了一年中的又一次高潮。我们这里的商店，只有牧业上山、下山经过以及古尔邦节这三个时间段是赚钱的时候，其他的日子全在不紧不慢地花钱。

At this point, the store business ushered in another peak of the year. In our store, only the periods of livestock migrations up and down the mountain and the Corban Festival are profitable; on other days, it’s all about spending money slowly.

除非夏天跟着牧业大队进到夏牧场（阿尔泰深山）里，冬天再跟去冬窝子（准噶尔盆地乌伦古河以南沙漠腹心的冬季牧场）。不过后来我们家就这样做了。

Unless in summer when we follow the herding team to the summer pastures (in the Altai Mountains) and then back to the winter residence (the winter pasture located in the heart of the desert south of the Ural River in the Dzungarian Basin). But later, we did it just that way.

总之，古尔邦节那几天里，我们总是通宵达旦地踩缝纫机。来订做衣服的人从节前半个月就开始来排队。

In any case, during those few days of the Corban Festival, we worked all day and night on the sewing machines. Customers began to line up to order clothes from half a month before the festival.

直到过节的头一天晚上，很晚了，店已经关门了，还会有人在商店外面敲窗户，要进来买裤子。

Until the night before the festival, very late, even though the shop had closed, people would still knock on the windows outside, wanting to come in and buy pants.

那几天，节日用的糖果鸡蛋点心之类，会在喀吾图的所有商店脱销。

During those days, festival items such as candy, eggs, and pastries would sell out throughout all the stores in Kavutou.

大量地采购节日用品的高峰期是在过节的前一天。那天人多得呀！窗台上的花都给挤得歪歪地长着。

The peak shopping period for festival supplies was the day before the festival. That day was packed with people! The flowers on the windowsill were all pushed askew.

柜台前面呼啦啦一大片胳膊，在你眼前乱晃，指东指西，指上指下。不要说卖东西了，就是给他们取东西都取得忙不过来。

A large crowd of arms waved in front of the counter, pointing east and west, up and down. Not to mention selling things; even fetching things for them was overwhelming.

这边收钱，那边找钱，这边要换，那边要退……真恨不得自己是千手观音。

This side taking money, that side giving change; this side needing to exchange, that side needing to return... I truly wished I were the Goddess of Mercy with a thousand hands.

中午时分算是忙过了一个段落，这时我们才发现少了一条裤子。

Around noon, the rush took a pause, and we finally noticed a pair of pants was missing.

我妈在这方面记性蛮好，她记得从裤架上取下这条裤子的是一个带着十一二岁男孩的母亲。当时她把这条裤子给她儿子套上，左看右看研究了半天。

My mom has quite a good memory; she recalled that it was a mother with an eleven or twelve-year-old boy who took the pants from the rack. At the time, she had put the pants on her son and was examining them from side to side.

本来我妈站在一旁想劝说她把这条裤子买下来的，看她那么犹豫的样子，就不怎么管她了。再加上当时又有别的生意，就把这母子俩撂在角落里由他们自己慢慢商量去。

Originally, my mom was standing by, intending to persuade her to buy those pants, but seeing how hesitantly she looked, she didn’t pay much attention to her anymore. Plus, there were other business matters to attend to, so she left the mother and son to discuss in the corner on their own.

等店里的人散完以后，这母子俩和那条裤子都不见了。

Once the customers dispersed, that mother and son along with the pants had vanished.

我妈为此特别生气，我们这样的小店，做点生意很不容易的。最近为了赶这个节日，我们加班加点熬了好几个通宵才做成这么一批裤子。

My mom was particularly angry about this; in our small shop, it's not easy to make a bit of business. Recently, we had worked extra late several nights to produce this batch of pants in time for the festival.

想想看，一个小时做出来的东西，几分钟就没了，能不窝火吗？

Just think about it—something that took an hour to make disappeared in just a few minutes; wouldn’t that make anyone furious?

好在我们这是个小地方，周围也就那么两三个村子，要打听一个人实在太容易了。我们很快知道了那母子俩住在十多公里以外一个叫哈拉巴盖的村子里，还弄清了她和她丈夫的名字。

Fortunately, we are in a small place, with only a few neighboring villages, so inquiring about someone is really easy. We soon learned that the mother and son lived in a village called Halabagai more than ten kilometers away and even figured out her and her husband’s names.

于是，就托了几个与她同村的老乡带话回去，提醒她是不是忘了付钱。不到一会儿工夫，这一带的许多人都知道那个女人在节日的前一天做下的事情了。

So, we asked a few fellow villagers from her village to deliver a message, reminding her whether she forgot to pay. Within no time, many people around here knew about what that woman did the day before the festival.

大家吃惊之余，摇头叹息不已。

Everyone was astonished and shook their heads, sighing.

因为生意太好，不到半天，我们把这事放下了。不过是条十块钱的童裤而已。

Since business was booming, within half a day, we dropped the matter. After all, it was just a ten-yuan pair of children’s pants.

就这样，一直忙到天色暗了下来，顾客才慢慢地稀少了。最后一个人离开后，商店里恢复了两个星期前的安静。节日已经开始，今年的最后一个旺季至此全部结束。

Thus, we kept busy until night fell, and customers gradually became scarce. After the last person left, the shop returned to the quiet it had two weeks ago. The festival had started, and this year’s last peak season had entirely come to an end.

我们把商店门反锁了，开始准备晚饭。这时有人敲门。

We locked the shop door and began preparing dinner. At that moment, someone knocked on the door.

我们去开门，一眼认出就是那个被我们认为拿走裤子没给钱的小孩。

When we opened it, we recognized it was that child whom we thought took the pants without paying.

他脸色通红，气喘吁吁。可能刚从哈拉巴盖赶来。

His face was flushed, breathing heavily. He probably just ran over from Halabagai.

他从外面进店里，还没站定，还没有暖和一下，就立刻着急地、委屈地说了一大堆。大意是解释他和他妈妈真的没有偷裤子，那条裤子有点小了，不合适，最后就没买……云云。

As soon as he entered, before he could stand steady or warm up, he hurriedly and aggrievedly stammered out a bunch of explanations. In essence, he was saying that he and his mother really didn’t steal the pants—that the pair of pants was a bit small and not suitable, so in the end, they didn’t buy it... and so on.

大概他不知道怎么才能让我们相信他说的是真的，越说越着急，最后竟哭了起来，并带着哭腔反复解释：“……妈妈让我来说……裤子太小了，真的太小了……”

He likely didn’t know how to convince us that what he said was true; the more he spoke, the more anxious he became, and eventually, he cried, repeatedly explaining with a tearful voice, “...Mom told me to say... the pants were too small, really too small..."

我们还能怎样？一个孩子，连夜跑了十几公里雪路，跑来解释一个根本就解释不清的事情。

What could we do? A child, who ran all night over snowy roads for more than ten kilometers just to clarify something that really couldn’t be clarified.

我们只好给这个孩子抓了一把糖，一个劲地安慰他，然后让他早点回家。

We had no choice but to give the child a handful of candies, comforting him, and then sent him home early.

这时候我们已经非常坚信是自己弄错了，心里不安极了。忍不住在柜台里里外外仔细地翻找，最后果然还是找到了那条裤子。

At this moment, we were already very convinced that we had made a mistake and felt very uneasy inside. Unable to help it, I started searching carefully inside and outside the counter, and sure enough, I found that pair of pants.

照很多人的想法，既然知道自己没有做什么错事，任何解释都是不必要的。被冤枉后该做的事，就是与冤枉者为仇。

According to many people's thoughts, since one knows they haven’t done anything wrong, any explanation is unnecessary. After being wronged, what one should do is hold a grudge against the accuser.

但他们究竟想到了什么呢？

But what did they ultimately think?

明天就要过节了，是不是他们的礼性是不能一边容忍别人对自己的误会，一边享受节日的美好祥和？

Tomorrow is the festival; can’t their sense of propriety tolerate misunderstandings from others while still enjoying the festival's beauty and serenity?

是呀，有误会是多么不好的事情呀。

Yes, misunderstandings are such terrible things.

我们商量了很久。第二天一大早就出门拜年去了（当然，严格地说古尔邦节不能算是“年”，但我们这里的汉人都是这样的说法）。

We discussed for a long time. Early the next morning, we set out to pay New Year visits (of course, strictly speaking, the Corban Festival can’t be considered a “New Year,” but that’s how we Han people refer to it).

在这个重要的节日里，当地人的礼俗是亲戚朋友之间互相串门三天。第一天大多是男人们出门，女人们留在家等着客人上门祝贺，并煮肉张罗宴席；第二天是孩子们和年轻人出门玩；第三天才轮到主妇们。

On this important holiday, the local custom is for relatives and friends to visit each other for three days. The first day is mostly for men to go out, while the women stay at home waiting for guests to arrive to congratulate them and prepare meals; the second day is for children and young people to go out to have fun; the third day is reserved for the housewives.

据说，在这几天里，一年中有什么仇隙的两家人，往往会把拜年作为消解相互间怨恨的机会。

It is said that during these few days, families with grievances against each other often take the opportunity of New Year visits to ease their mutual resentments.

我们决定最先到被我们冤枉了的那母子家中拜年。把事情说清楚，好让双方都安心。那个孩子真的打动了我们。

We decided to first visit the home of that mother and son whom we had wronged. To clarify the matter, so both sides would feel at ease. That child truly touched us.

我们离开村子，穿过村外那片被大雪覆盖得严严实实的田野，再穿过一条两公里长的林荫道。冬天里，所有的树都披着厚厚的雪盖，但仍分辨得清林荫道左边栽着柳树，右边全是白杨。

We left the village, crossed the fields outside the village blanketed with heavy snow, and then passed through a two-kilometer-long tree-lined path. In winter, all the trees were covered with thick snow, but we could still distinguish that willow trees were planted on the left, while the right side was lined with poplar trees.

我们边走边想待会儿的说辞，还不时地商量。天空深蓝动人，莹莹地镀着从大地上反射上去的雪光。

We walked while thinking about what we would say later, sometimes discussing it as well. The sky was beautifully deep blue, shimmering with snow light reflected up from the ground.

脚下的雪路因为这两天过往行人的突然频繁而宽坦瓷实了一些，它划着平滑的弧度，从大地渐渐升上大坂。

The snowy road underfoot had become smoother and harder due to the sudden increase in foot traffic in the past couple of days; it curved smoothly, gradually rising from the earth to the high slope.

我们气喘吁吁爬上大坂，哈拉巴盖村就在脚下了。

Panting, we climbed up the high slope, and Halabagai village was right below us.

这段路大概有十几公里，一路上除了白的积雪和蓝的天空，全世界就什么也没有了。由于雪灾的原因，今年的雪比往年哪一年的都厚，山侧的雪更是厚达二十多米，路两旁的雪墙有些地方足有两米厚。

This stretch of road is about ten kilometers long, and along the way, apart from the white snow and blue sky, there was nothing else in the world. Due to the snow disaster, this year's snow was thicker than any other year, and the snow on the mountainsides was more than twenty meters thick. The snow walls on both sides of the road were more than two meters thick in some places.

至于脚下这条路，被过往的马匹、雪爬犁踏得瓷瓷的了，也是半米多厚的雪壳，深深陷落在雪的原野中。

As for the road beneath our feet, trodden by passing horses and sleds, it was a shell of snow more than half a meter thick, deeply embedded in the snowy fields.

我们想到昨晚那个孩子就是沿着这条路又着急又委屈地往我们家走来的，一路上他会不会因为被误解而感到孤独？这条清白之路……

We thought about how that child ran along this very road last night, anxious and aggrieved, towards our house, wondering if he felt lonely on the way because of the misunderstanding? This innocent road...

春天来了。雪化得一塌糊涂，出了门根本没有落脚之处。白天一天比一天长了。在夜里，有时候想起来，抬头一看，猎户星座已经消失了。

Spring arrived. The snow melted messily, and there was no place to step outside. Each day was getting longer. At night, sometimes remembering, we looked up and saw that the Orion constellation had disappeared.

在这个地方待过一年以后，发现自己还是没能认识几个人。——我是说没记住几个人的名字。但谁是谁还是清楚的，至少再也不会把两个长着同样胡子的人弄错了。

After spending a year in this place, I realized I still hadn’t gotten to know many people. — I mean, I hadn’t remembered many people's names. But I could clearly distinguish who was who; at least I would never mix up two people with the same beard again.

家里的生意不好不坏，在这里是留是走，令人非常犹豫。我是无所谓的，反正搬家也搬习惯了，对我来说到哪儿都一样的。

The family's business, neither good nor bad, made deciding whether to stay or go in this place very hesitant. I was indifferent; since I was used to moving, it didn't matter where I went.

但我妈非常舍不得，并且归纳出喀吾图的种种好处——

But my mother was very reluctant; she summarized various benefits of Kavutou—

第一，在这里的税是分淡季旺季收的，对我们这些小打小闹的小门小店来说，比较合理（一般来说，一年被划分为七月的淡季，五个月的旺季）；

First, the taxes here are collected seasonally, making it more reasonable for small shops like ours (in general, the year is divided into a low season in July and a high season of five months);

第二，地方小，人情重，大家都好相处，好打交道；

Second, it’s a small place, with strong local relationships, making it easy to get along with people;

第三，由于这里地方偏远，消费简单，赚到钱也没处花，容易存下钱来；

Third, due to the remoteness, consumption is simple; when you earn money, there are few places to spend it, making it easier to save;

第四，还是由于地方偏远，店里的商品卖得起价，利润比城里高一些。

Fourth, the distance helps the store's products to be marked at reasonable prices, with profits somewhat higher than in the city.

我们当初来喀吾图，只为这里地处牧业转场上下山的必经之地，想着做点牧业上的生意就行了。

When we first came to Kavutou, it was because the place served as a necessary passage for livestock transfer, thinking we could do some business related to herding.

没想到，一年下来算算账后，我妈说：“还是喀吾图人民养育了我们啊！”农民的确不如牧民富裕，但生活相对平稳，日子也就过得仔细些。

I didn't expect that, after a year of accounting, my mom said, "It's really the people of Kavutou who have supported us!" Farmers are indeed not as wealthy as herders, but their lives are relatively stable, so they go about their days more carefully.

缺了点零星物事，总觉得怎么过都不顺当。房子里的添置也得周全，这样那样，什么都漏下不得。

If something is missing, it always feels like things aren't going smoothly. Additions in the house also need to be thorough, and every detail must be considered.

所以，商店的生意嘛，每天都还能开张的。别的不说，酱油呀方块糖呀，还有茶叶烟酒什么的，每天都在卖着。

Therefore, the shop’s business still managed to stay open every day. Not to mention soy sauce, sugar cubes, tea leaves, cigarettes, and alcohol, all selling continuously every day.

这样，我们的生意也就不好不坏地与大家同步进行了。反正撑不死也饿不死，就那样慢慢耗着吧。

Thus, our business proceeded neither well nor poorly in sync with everyone. After all, we wouldn’t starve to death or die of thirst; we just continued to pass the time like that.

日子太过安稳，太过放心了，让人有了依赖，竟懒惰下来了。永远不会发生别的什么事情，也没法滋生别的什么想法。

Life became so stable, so worry-free, that it led to a sense of dependence; we even became lazy. Nothing else ever happened, nor did any other ideas grow.

反正在喀吾图，人人都是如此。

In any case, everyone in Kavutou was like this.

我们赚了点钱，就租了间好一点的房子。后来又赚了点钱，就租了更好一点的房子。再后来又赚了一点，就不租房子了，付了一半定金，买了一间不太好的便宜房子。

When we earned a bit of money, we rented a better room. After earning a bit more, we rented an even better room. Later, after earning some more, we decided not to rent anymore and paid half a deposit to buy a not-so-good, cheap house.

虽然不好，但好歹是自己的。我们想到以后还会再赚一些钱，还会再给自己换一间更好一些的大房子。

Although it wasn’t great, at least it was ours. We thought we would earn money again in the future and get ourselves a larger and better house.

可是，接下来我们发现，在喀吾图，再也不会更好一些了。

However, we quickly found that in Kavutou, it would never get better than this.

喀吾图没有暴发，也没有日益庞大的积累。喀吾图只是让你进入它的秩序而已，然后就面对你停止下来。

Kavutou hasn't experienced a boom, nor does it accumulate wealth in increasing measure. Kavutou only lets you enter its order, then faces you with a halt.

它让你得到的东西，全都是些牵绊住你、让你没法离开这个地方的东西，一直到最后。

What it offers you are all ties that bind you here, making it impossible to leave until the very end.

喀吾图最初是一个土匪窝子。听老人们说，现在我们生活的地方当年全是野地，扎满了破旧的毡房和帐篷。

Kavutou was once a den of bandits. The elders say that the place we live in now was once all wilderness, filled with shabby yurts and tents.

后来军队来了，在这里开垦出农田，河两岸挖出整齐的一大片地窝子。地窝子就是那时候人们的栖身之地——在地上挖一个坑，上面架上顶子，一条斜坡道通向冬暖夏凉的地坑里。

Later, the army arrived and cultivated arable land here, digging out a neat expanse of earth along the riverside. The earth mounds were people’s homes back then—a pit dug into the ground with a roof on top, sloping down to the warm winter cool summer pit.

但是到了今天，这里和其他地方的村庄根本就没什么两样了——一排一排的林荫道，一家一户一个大院子、两排土墙房子，村庄周围全是大片大片的麦田和苜蓿地。

But today, this place is no different from other villages—rows of tree-lined paths, large courtyards for each household, and two rows of earthen-walled houses, surrounded by large fields of wheat and alfalfa.

春天我们到附近的山上去拾阿魏菇。我们爬上最高的山，山顶上寒冷、风大，开着白色的碎花。

In spring, we go to the nearby mountains to pick ferula mushrooms. We climbed the highest mountain where it was cold and windy, covered in white flowers.

我们在那里居高临下俯瞰整个喀吾图，看到它没有更新一些的痕迹。它是天生如此的，它是关闭的，它是不能够更好一些的。

From there, we looked down at all of Kavutou, seeing no traces of renewal. It was born this way; it was closed, and could not get any better.

但是，它也不是什么不应该的……它是足够谐调平衡的。

However, it is also not something inappropriate... it is balanced and harmonious enough.

顺便说一下那次去爬山拾阿魏菇的事。那天我们翻遍了四座大山，只发现了扣子大的两枚。

By the way, regarding that time we went climbing to pick the ferula mushrooms. That day, we searched four great mountains and found only two that were as big as buttons.

由于阿魏菇实在是一种很稀罕的“山珍”，所以即使它还只有扣子那么大，我们还是下狠心把它连根端了。

Since ferula mushrooms truly are a rare "mountain delicacy," even though they were only as big as a button, we still resolutely uprooted them.

同样，由于它实在是很稀罕的，所以即使它只有扣子那么大，我们还是用它熬了一大锅汤。

Similarly, because they are indeed very rare, even when they were only that size, we still used them to cook up a large pot of soup.

无论如何，春天来了。河水暴涨，大地潮湿。巨大的云块从西往东，很低地、飞快地移动着。

In any case, spring arrived. The river swelled, and the ground became damp. Huge clouds moved quickly from west to east, flying low.

阳光在云隙间不断移动，把一束束明亮的光线在大地上来回投射。云块遮蔽的地方是冰凉清晰的，光线照射的地方是灿烂恍惚的。这斑斓、浩荡的世界。

The sunlight shifted between the gaps in the clouds, casting bright rays back and forth on the earth. The places where the clouds obscured were cool and clear, while where the light shone was dazzling and blurry. This vibrant, grand world.

我们站在山顶往下看。喀吾图位于我们自以为已经熟悉的世界之外，永远不是我们这样的人的想法所能说明白的。

We stood on the mountaintop and looked down. Kavutou lies outside the world we thought we had become familiar with, forever beyond our understanding as people like us.

我们决定离开。我们想要赚更多的钱，过更好一些的生活。

We decided to leave. We wanted to earn more money and live a somewhat better life.

但是要想赚更多的钱的话，得到更偏远的地方，过更糟糕一点的生活。其实再想一想，那些更糟的生活同以后可能会有的更好的生活放到一起平摊了，折算下来的话，其实还是一日一日不好不坏的生活——也就是此时喀吾图的生活。

But to earn more money, one must go to more remote places and live a slightly worse life. And indeed, when thinking it through again, if these inferior lives were averaged together with the potentially better lives in the future, it actually still comes down to the same sort of mediocre life day by day—just like the life we have now in Kavutou.

可那时的我们想到了什么呢？我们还是决定要离开。

But what were we thinking at that time? We still decided to leave.

以后的经历是这样的：春天牧业转场进山时，我们卖掉了房子，拉了满满一车货跟着进山了。

The following experiences went like this: during spring livestock migrations into the mountains, we sold our house, took a full load of goods with us, and entered the mountains.

但是那一年山洪频繁，没有赚到什么钱。于是下山的时候，我们雇车的钱只够我们和我们的货移动五十公里。

However, that year the floods were frequent, and we didn’t make much money. So when we descended, the money we had only covered moving ourselves and our goods for fifty kilometers.

我们便在五十公里处找了间破房子凑合着住了下来。住过一个冬天后，次年牧业返回路过那里时，又跟着再次进山。

We found a shabby house to make do with at that fifty-kilometer mark. After staying there for one winter, the next year when the livestock returned and passed by, we entered the mountains again.

这一年，我们赚了很多钱。但是，赚到的钱只够我们把五十公里处的那间破房子买下来。

That year, we earned a lot of money. However, the money we earned was just enough to buy that shabby house at fifty kilometers.

或者重回喀吾图，再租一年房子。我们想了又想。就这样，喀吾图被放弃了。

Or go back to Kavutou and rent a house for another year. We thought it over. In this way, Kavutou was abandoned.

后来又因为一些琐碎的事情，我们陆续回喀吾图了好几次。但那时我们还不知道从此就永远离开喀吾图了，所以没记清最后那一次是什么样的情形。

Later, for various trivial reasons, we returned to Kavutou several times. But at that time, we still didn’t know we would be leaving Kavutou forever, so we didn’t clearly remember what the last time was like.

而我永远记得第一次。此后我所诉说的种种生活就是从那次展开的，永无结束。

Yet I will always remember the first time. Everything that I later recounted about life began from that moment and has no end.