我家过去年代的一只猫

我们祖上几乎每一辈人都会出一个嗜赌成性的败家子。到了我外婆那一代，不幸轮到了我外公。

Almost every generation from our ancestors has produced a gambling-addicted prodigal child. By the time it got to my grandmother’s generation, unfortunately, it fell upon my grandfather.

据外婆回忆，当时破草屋里的一切家私被变卖得干干净净，只剩一只木箱一面铁锅和五个碗。

According to my grandmother's recollection, every piece of furniture in their dilapidated straw house was sold off completely, leaving only a wooden chest, an iron pot, and five bowls.

此外就只剩贴在竹篾墙上的观音像及画像下一只破破烂烂的草蒲团。连全家人冬夏的衣裳都被卖得一人只剩一身单衣，老老少少全打着赤脚。

Moreover, all that remained was a statue of Guanyin adhered to the bamboo wall and a tattered straw mat beneath it. Even the family's winter and summer clothes were sold off, leaving each person with just a single garment, old and young all barefoot.

但是外婆一直藏着一只手掌心大小的铜磬。那是她多年前有一次走了五十里的山路，去邻县赶一场隆重的庙会时买的。

However, my grandmother kept a small copper bell, about the size of her palm. She bought it years ago after walking fifty miles to attend a grand temple fair in a neighboring county.

对她来说，这只小小的磬是精美的器物，质地明亮光滑，小而沉重，真是再漂亮不过了。更何况她曾亲眼见过庙子里的和尚就是敲着它来念经的（当然，那一只大了许多）。于是它又是神圣的。

For her, this tiny bell was a beautiful item, bright and smooth, small yet heavy, truly exquisite. Moreover, she had personally seen the monk in the temple using it to chant prayers (of course, that bell was much larger). Thus, it became sacred to her.

她时常对外公说，那是观音菩萨的东西，不可“起心”。可外公偏偏起了心，有一天输得红了眼回家对外婆拳打脚踢，逼她交出磬。

She often told my grandfather that it belonged to Guanyin Bodhisattva and should not be "thought of lightly." But my grandfather disregarded her words and one day, after losing badly at gambling, came home and beat her, forcing her to hand over the bell.

后来外婆实在是被打急了，只好从怀中掏出来掷到门槛外。然后一屁股坐到地上大哭起来。

Eventually, my grandmother, desperate from the beating, had no choice but to pull it from her bosom and toss it outside the door. She then sat down on the ground and cried loudly.

六十多年过去了，外婆至今还时常唠叨起那只小磬，不时地啧啧夸赞它的精巧可爱。而那个男人曾经对她造成的伤害，似乎早已与她毫无关系了。

Sixty years have passed, and my grandmother still often reminisces about that small bell, sometimes clicking her tongue in admiration for its exquisite beauty. The harm that man caused her seems to be long forgotten.

毕竟外公都已经过世半个多世纪。死去的人全都是已经被原谅的人。

After all, my grandfather had passed away more than half a century ago. The dead are all people who have already been forgiven.

此外，外婆时常会提到的还有一只大黄猫。那是继外公卖掉磬之后，第二个最不该卖的东西。

Additionally, my grandmother frequently mentioned a large yellow cat. That was the second item that should not have been sold after my grandfather got rid of the bell.

第一次大黄猫被卖到了放生铺。放生铺离家门口只有十几里路。清早捉去卖掉的，结果还没吃晌午饭，那黄猫就自己跑回来了。

The first time, the large yellow cat was sold to a release shop, which was only a few miles from their home. It was caught early in the morning, and by lunchtime, the yellow cat had come running back home on its own.

外婆和孩子们欢天喜地，连忙从各自的碗里滗出一些米汤倒给猫喝。

My grandmother and the children were overjoyed, hurriedly pouring some rice soup from their bowls for the cat to drink.

结果第二天一大早猫又被外公捉去了。这次卖到永泉铺。永泉铺更远一些，离家有三十多里。

However, the very next morning, the cat was caught again by my grandfather. This time, it was sold to Yongquan Shop, which was over thirty miles away.

外婆想，这回猫再也回不来了。结果，那天外公还没回来，那神奇的大黄猫就又一次找回了自家门。

My grandmother thought that the cat would never return this time. Nevertheless, that day, before my grandfather had come back, that magical yellow cat found its way back home once again.

亏得外公赶集去的一路上还是把它蒙在布袋子里，又塞进背篼里的。

Fortunately, my grandfather, on his way to the market, had hidden it in a cloth bag and tucked it into his backpack.

外婆央求外公再也不要卖了。她说，只听说卖猪卖鸡换钱用，哪里听说卖猫的！

My grandmother pleaded with my grandfather not to sell it again. She said she had only heard of selling pigs and chickens for money; she had never heard of selling cats!

再说谁家屋头没养只鸡、养条狗的，而自家连鸡都没有一只，就只剩这最后一条养生了……又说，这猫也造孽，都卖了两次还想着自家里头，就可怜可怜它吧……

Besides, what family didn’t keep a chicken or a dog, while they had none, just this last cat to keep alive… She added that the cat was unfortunate; after being sold twice, it still thought of home and deserved some sympathy…

但外公哪能听得进去！过了不久，龙林铺逢集时他又把那只黄猫逮走了。

But my grandfather wouldn’t listen! A while later, during the market day at Longlin Shop, he took that yellow cat away again.

龙林铺在邻县境内，离我们足有五十多里。虽然都晓得这回这猫怕是再也回不来了，可外婆还是心存侥幸。

Longlin Shop was in the neighboring county, over fifty miles from them. Despite knowing this cat would likely never return, my grandmother still held onto some hope.

她天天把院子里那只喂猫的石钵里注满清水，等它回家。

Every day she filled the stone bowl for feeding the cat in the yard with fresh water, waiting for its return.

这一次，却再也没有等到。

This time, however, it never came.

我在新疆出生，大部分时间在新疆长大。我所了解的这片土地，是一片绝大部分才刚刚开始承载人的活动的广袤大地。

I was born in Xinjiang and spent most of my childhood there. The land I know is vast and stretches far, where most areas have only just begun to bear the marks of human activity.

在这里，泥土还不熟悉粮食，道路还不熟悉脚印，水不熟悉井，火不熟悉煤。

Here, the soil is unfamiliar with grain, the roads are unfamiliar with footsteps, water is not acquainted with wells, and fire is unfamiliar with coal.

在这里，我们报不出上溯三代以上的祖先的名字，我们的孩子比远离故土更加远离我们。哪怕在这里再生活一百年，我仍不能说自己是个“新疆人”。

Here, we can’t even trace back three generations of ancestors' names, our children are further removed from their homeland than we are. Even if I lived here for another hundred years, I still couldn’t say I am a “Xinjiang person.”

——哪怕到了今天，半个多世纪都过去了，离家万里，过去的生活被断然切割，我又即将与外婆断然切割。

—Even today, more than half a century has passed, thousands of miles away from home, the past life has been abruptly severed, and soon I will be severed from my grandmother as well.

外婆终将携着一世的记忆死去，使我的“故乡”终究变成一处无凭无据的所在。

In the end, my grandmother will take her memories to the grave, making my "hometown" ultimately an unfounded place of absence.

在那里，外婆早已修好的坟窟依山傍水，年复一年地空着，渐渐坍塌；坟前空白的碑石花纹模糊，内部正在悄悄脆裂。

There, my grandmother’s well-kept grave is nestled against the mountains and waters, empty year after year, gradually collapsing; the blank monument in front is becoming fuzzy, with the insides quietly crumbling.

老家旧瓦屋久无人住，恐怕已经塌了一间半套……而屋后曾经引来泉水的竹管残破不堪，寂寞地横搁在杂草之中。

The old tile house in my hometown has been uninhabited for a long time, probably having collapsed a room and a half… while the bamboo pipe that once brought springs has become broken, lying lonely amongst the weeds.

那泉眼四面围栏的石板早已经塌坏，泉水四处乱淌，荒草丛生。村中旧人过世，年轻人纷纷离家出走。

The stone slabs surrounding the spring have long since fallen apart, the spring water flows everywhere, and the weeds grow thick. The old villagers have passed away, and the young people have left home one after another.

家门口的小路盖满竹叶。这路所通向的木门上铁锁锈死，屋檐断裂。在这扇门背后，在黑暗的房间里，外婆早年间备下的，漆得乌黑明亮的寿棺早已寂静地朽坏。

The small path at the door is covered with bamboo leaves. The iron lock on the wooden door it leads to has rusted shut, and the eaves have broken. Behind this door, in the dark room, the black lacquered coffin my grandmother prepared long ago has quietly decayed.

泥墙上悬挂的纺车挂满蛛丝……再也回不去了！

The spinning wheel hanging on the mud wall is covered in spider webs… There’s no going back!

那个地方与我唯一的关联似乎只是：我的外婆和我母亲曾经在那里生活过……我不熟悉任何一条能够通向它的道路，我不认识村中任何一家邻居。

That place seems to have only one connection to me: my grandmother and mother once lived there… I am not familiar with any road leading to it, and I do not know any neighbors in the village.

但那仍是我的故乡，那条被外婆无数次提及的大黄猫，如被我从小养大一般，深深怜惜着它。当我得知它在远方迷失，难过得连梦里也在想：这么多年过去了，应该往它的石钵里注上清水了！

But it is still my homeland, that large yellow cat my grandmother mentioned countless times, as if I had raised it myself, I deeply cherish it. When I learned it was lost far away, I felt so sad that I even thought in my dreams: after all these years, I should have poured fresh water into its stone bowl!

我不是一个没有来历的人。我走到今天，似乎是我的祖先在使用我的双脚走到今天；我不是一个没有根的人，我的基因以我所不能明白的方式清清楚楚地记录着这条血脉延伸的全部过程。

I am not a person without a past. I have walked to this point today as if my ancestors have used my feet; I am not a person without roots. My genes record the entire process of this bloodline's extension in ways I cannot fully understand.

我不是没有故乡的人——那一处我从未去过的地方，在我外婆和我母亲的讲述中反复触动我的本能和命运，而永远地留住了我。

I am not without a hometown— that place I have never been to, in the narratives of my grandmother and mother, repeatedly touches my instincts and fate, holding me forever.

那里每一粒深埋在地底的紫色浆果，每一只夏日午后准时振翅的鸣蝉，比我亲眼见过的还要令我感到熟悉。

There, every purple berry buried deep in the ground, every cicada that reliably sings on a summer afternoon feels more familiar to me than what I have seen with my own eyes.

我不是虚弱的人，不是短暂的人——哪怕此时立刻死去也不是短暂的人。

I am not a weak person, nor am I a transient being—even if I were to die right now, I would not be transient.

还有那只猫，它的故事更为漫长。哪怕到了今天，它仍然在回家的路上继续走着。

And that cat, its story is even longer. Even today, it continues to walk on the road back home.

有时被乡间的顽童追赶过一条条陌生的沟渠；有时迷路了，在高高的坡崖上如婴孩一样凄厉厉地惨叫；有时走着走着突然浑身黄毛乍起，看到前面路中央盘起的一条花蛇……

Sometimes being chased by mischievous children through unfamiliar ditches; sometimes lost and crying despairingly like a baby on the high cliffs; sometimes, as it walks, suddenly its entire body erupts with yellow fur upon seeing a flower snake coiled in the middle of the road…

圆月当空，它找到一处隐蔽的草丛卧下。有时是冬月间的霜风露气，有时是盛夏的瓢泼大雨。

Under the full moon, it finds a hidden patch of grass to nestle in. Sometimes it freezes in the frost and dew of winter months, other times it finds shelter from torrential rain in the midsummer.

总有一天，它绕过堰塘边的青青竹林，突然看到院子空地上那面熟悉的石磨，看到石磨后屋檐下的水缸——流浪的日子全部结束了！

One day, it will wander past the vibrant bamboo groves by the pond and suddenly see that familiar stone mill in the yard, the water tank under the eaves behind the stone mill—its days of wandering will finally come to an end!

它飞快地蹿进院子，径直去到自己往日饮水的石钵边，大口大口地痛饮起来。也不管这水是谁为它注入的。

It will dash into the yard, going straight to the stone bowl where it used to drink water, gulping down the water eagerly. It doesn't even care who filled it for it.

不管是谁，在这些年里正如它从不曾忘记过家一样，从不曾忘记过它。

It doesn’t matter who it was; throughout these years, just as it has never forgotten home, it has never forgotten it.