他不是我

播放器设置的是循环播放，尚在微微出神间，视频已经开始重播了，欢快的笛声响起，画面上的红衣女贼一身绚烂，正骑着马气势无比地冲下山来。

The player is set to loop playback, and while in a slight daze, the video has already started to replay. The cheerful sound of the flute resonates, and the image on the screen shows a flamboyantly dressed female thief in red, riding a horse down the mountain with unprecedented vigor.

微微迅速地把它关了，知道了后面的结局，前面的恶搞看着都觉得郁闷起来，一点都不想看第二遍。

Waiwai quickly turned it off, knowing the outcome. The earlier gags now seemed depressing; she had no desire to watch it a second time.

打开最小化的游戏，微微给奈何发消息：“我看完了，很好看。”

Opening the minimized game, Waiwai messaged Naihe: “I finished watching it, it’s really good.”

干巴巴的打完这几个字，微微没话了，其实明明有满腔的情绪的，可是却不知道说什么好，难道说自己差点看哭了？

After typing those few dry words, Waiwai found herself speechless. She obviously had a torrent of emotions, but didn’t know what to say. Should she really admit that she almost cried?

那似乎很傻哎。

That would seem rather foolish.

于是没话找话般的又问了句：“结局你改了啊？”

So she awkwardly asked another question: “You changed the ending, right?”

消息刚发出去，奈何的名字就亮了起来，飞快的叮的一声，他的信息回过来。“嗯，改了，否则时长不够。”

As soon as she sent the message, Naihe's name lit up, and almost immediately, she received a notification. “Yeah, changed it. Otherwise it wouldn’t be long enough.”

“你回来了。时长？什么时长？”

“You're back. Long enough? What do you mean?”

微微有点疑惑，是说视频的时长么？可是她记得是不限长短的啊。

Waiwai was a bit puzzled. Was he referring to the length of the video? But she remembered it wasn’t limited in duration.

奈何：“参赛细则里，视频长度超过半小时，夺冠后经验等奖励翻倍。”

Naihe replied: “According to the competition rules, if the video is longer than half an hour, the rewards for winning the championship double.”

奈何：“既然做了，该拿的就都拿回来。”

Naihe continued: “Since we’re doing this, we should take everything we can.”

微微囧了，她的确没注意到这个细则，但是……大神同学，你这么确定我们一定能夺冠吗……

Waiwai felt a bit embarrassed. She really hadn’t noticed this rule, but... Hey, aren't you overly confident that we can win the championship, big guy?

不对不对，这不是重点，重点是，按大神这说法，难道后面那些差点弄哭她的情节竟然是他为了凑时间加上的？

No, no, that's not the point. The main point is that if what he said is true, then the scenes that almost made her cry afterward were just added to stretch the time?

微微想到这里，不由打开视频看了下，果然！视频不长不短，恰好30分钟，连一秒都没多出来。

Thinking of this, Waiwai opened the video and checked. Sure enough! The video was precisely 30 minutes long—not a second more.

……

…

虽然事实如此明显而残酷，但微微犹抱着一丝希望：“那你……后面的结局怎么想到的？比原来的结局好太多了。”

Though this reality was so clear and cruel, Waiwai still held onto a glimmer of hope: “So how did you come up with the ending afterward? It’s way better than the original.”

奈何：“原结局也可以，去跳崖的路上，一路走一路插回忆达到30分钟，不过这样太露痕迹。”

Naihe replied: “The original ending was also possible; on the way to jump off the cliff, we could insert memories to reach 30 minutes, but that would be too obvious.”

一路走一路插回忆……微微汗了，这不是传说中的注水么？而且现在她问的是大神怎么想到这样的结局的，不是问他怎么拖时间的啊！

Insert memories along the way... Waiwai felt a chill. Wasn't this the infamous “padding” technique? And right now, she was asking how Naihe came up with that ending, not how he was killing time!

那边奈何还在继续说：“现在这个比较不明显，也不算太麻烦，大部分还是用前面录制的片段，只是要多录两个简单的场景。”

On the other end, Naihe continued: “This approach is less noticeable and not too troublesome. Most of the video still uses the previously recorded clips, we just needed to shoot two simple scenes.”

微微只能无语了。

Waiwai could only feel speechless.

原来大神不仅凑时间，而且为了凑时间还大量的塞回忆注水，大神那结局一切都是从拖延和偷懒出发，什么感人啊，什么生死两茫茫啊，都是天边的浮云……

It turns out the big guy not only padded the time but also filled it up with memories; that ending was all about delay and laziness. All that touching stuff, the existential dilemmas—just fleeting clouds...

微微忽然就觉得，之前很感动的自己实在太白痴了……

Waiwai suddenly felt that she had been quite foolish for being so moved earlier...

当下，微微怀着复杂的心情，把视频发去了官网。至于为什么是她发而不是大神发，那当然是因为大神懒得注册。

With a complex mix of feelings, Waiwai submitted the video to the official website. As for why it was her and not Naihe press send, it was obviously because Naihe didn’t want to register.

发完视频，微微就和奈何去做任务了，等做完任务一刷帖子，立刻被点击和回复惊到了。

After sending the video, Waiwai and Naihe went to do some tasks. After finishing the tasks, she refreshed the post and was immediately taken aback by the number of clicks and replies.

怎么会有这么多回贴？！

How could there be so many responses?!

有些回贴甚至是在她发帖的一分钟内回复的，这点时间，根本来不及看视频吧。不过看了一下这些回贴的内容，微微明白了。

Some replies even came within a minute of her posting. There was no way they had time to watch the video. However, after reading some of the replies, Waiwai understood.

说到底，还是受到之前小雨妖妖撤视频重拍和一笑奈何单挑真水无香这两件事的影响，这两件事不仅在本服务器闹得沸沸扬扬，连论坛上都异常火爆，至今仍然是热门话题，所以微微的视频一贴出去，立刻就有一堆看热闹的人过来惊叹——居然一笑奈何和芦苇微微也参赛了！

In the end, it was still influenced by the earlier events of Xiaoyu Yaoyao re-uploading her video and Yixiao Naihe's duel with Zhen Shui Wu Xiang. These two incidents had caused quite a stir not only on their server but also exploded on the forum, remaining hot topics up to now. So when Waiwai's video was posted, a wave of onlookers rushed to see—wow, even Yixiao Naihe and Lu Wei Waiwei are competing!

是为了和小雨妖妖打擂台？明显是吧！甚至有人猜测视频里会有小雨妖妖的身影，当然，是作为被丑化的角色出现的。

Could it be to challenge Xiaoyu Yaoyao? Obviously, right! Some even speculated the video would have Xiaoyu Yaoyao’s shadow, of course, as a caricatured character.

微微看了忍不住心里暗暗“切”了一声！有些人真是小人之心，什么都不看就乱发评论，她的视频中才不要出现什么莫明其妙的第三者呢！

Waiwai couldn’t help but internally scoff! Some people really have ulterior motives, commenting rashly without even watching; she didn’t want some inexplicable third party to show up in her video!

再说了，她和大神这么光辉灿烂的形象，哪里需要第三者来衬托啊。

Moreover, with her and the big guy's glorious image, they didn’t need a third party to accentuate anything.

微微一页一页翻过去，到了第五页，才看到针对视频本身的评论，是一个女孩子回的帖子，她连发了几个哭脸，哭喊着说自己居然看哭了。

Waiwai flipped through the pages of replies; upon reaching the fifth page, she finally saw comments about the video itself. It was a girl who posted multiple crying emojis, exclaiming that she had actually cried.

嘿嘿嘿，她哭了，微微乐了。

Hehe, she cried. Waiwai felt delighted.

太好了，被大神骗倒的人终于不止她一个了！

Great! It seems she wasn’t the only one fooled by the big guy!

连续看到几个说被虐到的回贴，微微喜滋滋的跑回游戏告诉奈何：“你看回贴没，很多人都说看哭了，不过我帮你背黑锅了，你视频上写的编剧是我哎，大家都说我很BT……”

As she continuously scrolled through replies from those saying they were emotionally wrecked, Waiwai happily ran back to the game to tell Naihe: “Did you see the replies? Lots of people are saying they cried. But I’ll take the blame for you; the screenwriter listed in the video is me, and everyone says I'm very BT…”

的确，一个故事如果开头爆笑，中间搞笑，结局悲惨，那编剧不是BT也是欠扁。

Indeed, if a story starts out hilarious, continues to be funny, and ends sadly, the screenwriter is not only BT but also deserves a beating.

奈何：“没看，结果出来告诉我。”

Naihe replied: “I didn’t see it. Just let me know the results.”

明明是他的劳动成果，他怎么一点都不激动呢，微微说：“嗯嗯嗯，我会天天看了向你汇报的。”

Even though it was his hard work, why was he not at all excited? Waiwai said: “Sure, I’ll keep an eye on the replies and report to you every day.”

接下来几天，微微有事没事就守在电脑前刷回贴。

In the following days, Waiwai found herself glued to the computer screen, refreshing replies whenever she had the chance.

视频越来越热了，这回却不是因为八卦的威力，而是因为视频本身，一些人在赞叹制作的精美，发现制作者是一笑奈何后，更是惊异，一个玩家说：“这视频做得！一笑奈何实在太强了，不仅能打，而且技术这么强，文武全才撒。”

The video was gaining more and more traction, not due to gossip this time but because of the video itself. Some viewers praised the exquisite production, and when they discovered the producer was Yixiao Naihe, they were even more astonished. One player exclaimed: “This video is incredible! Yixiao Naihe is too strong; not only can he fight, but his skills are so impressive—he’s a Renaissance man!”

更多人却在讨论剧情，讨论那个结局和白衣琴师的选择。

More people, however, were discussing the plot and the white-clad qin player’s choice.

这类讨论太多，看得微微都纠结起来，有次忍不住问奈何：“为什么琴师一定要杀掉女贼呢？”

There were so many such discussions that Waiwail felt conflicted. Unable to contain herself one day, she asked Naihe: “Why does the qin player have to kill the female thief?”

奈何沉默了一会，无比理智的回复：“这个情节，我确定是你编的。”

Naihe was silent for a while and logically replied: “That plot point, I’m sure you wrote it.”

微微：“是我……”

Waiwail: “It was me…”

可是她是在恶搞嘛。

But she had just been parodying!

微微继续纠结的问：“那如果是你，你会杀掉女贼吗？”

Waiwail continued to agonize and asked: “Then if it were you, would you kill the female thief?”

这个问题一发过去，微微立刻察觉了不妥，似乎不该这么问的，这样好像在探究别人的隐私，可是……又真的好想知道……那句“与其让她活着恨我，不如死了”这几天时不时浮现在她脑海，她忍不住就想知道，真实的一笑奈何，也是会说出这种话的人吗？

As soon as she sent this question, Waiwail immediately sensed something was off; it seemed inappropriate to ask like this, almost prying into someone else’s privacy. However... she genuinely wanted to know. That line “better to let her die than live on hating me” had been surfacing in her mind these past few days, and she couldn’t help but wonder if the real Yixiao Naihe would say something like that.

好在奈何似乎并没有在意她的逾矩，很快回复说：“不是我。”

Fortunately, Naihe seemed to overlook her indiscretion and quickly responded: “Not me.”

微微：“嗯？”

Waiwail: “Huh?”

奈何：“他不是我，我不会走到那步。”

Naihe: “He is not me, I wouldn’t reach that point.”

微微怔了一下，莫名的，笑意渐渐浮上了脸庞。

Waiwail froze for a moment, and inexplicably, a smile began to form on her face.

这期间，小雨妖妖和真水无香的新视频也放了上来，但是热度显然大不如前，毕竟他们无论在情节上和制作上，都远远逊色于微微他们的制作。

Meanwhile, Xiaoyu Yaoyao and Zhen Shui Wu Xiang also released their new videos, but their popularity was clearly nowhere near the same as before. After all, in terms of both storyline and production, they were far inferior to Waiwai's team.

很快投稿期结束，投票期开始，微微和奈何的视频在投票中一路遥遥领先，甩开第二名真水和小雨的视频一大截。这下连微微这么谦虚的人都觉得，他们夺冠的可能性实在是太大了。

Soon the submission period ended, and the voting phase began. Waiwail and Naihe's video led the vote count by a wide margin, far ahead of Zhen Shui and Xiaoyu's video. Even someone as modest as Waiwail felt that their chances of winning were exceptionally high.

然而，就在结果出来的前一天，微微接到了雷神妮妮一条古怪的信息。

However, the day before the results were announced, Waiwail received a strange message from Thor Nini.

“微微，有个问题想问你。”

“Waiwail, I want to ask you a question.”

“什么？”

“What?”

“你保证不生气我才敢问。”

“You have to promise not to be angry before I can ask.”

微微囧，想问就问嘛，还来这招，不过还是说：“你说吧，不生气。”

Waiwail felt awkward; just ask if you want to, why the extra fuss? But she still replied: “Go ahead, I won’t be angry.”

“真的不要生气哦，其实我也是代人问的，如果，我是说假如，有人给你一大笔钱，你愿不愿意退出视频比赛？”

“You really won't be angry? Actually, I’m asking on behalf of someone else. If, I mean hypothetically, someone offered you a large sum of money, would you be willing to withdraw from the video competition?”

微微一愣，迅速的反应过来：“真水无香？”

Waiwail was taken aback and quickly realized: “Zhen Shui Wu Xiang?”

雷神妮妮：“微微你猜到了啊！”

Thor Nini: “Wow, you figured it out!”

微微：“不用猜。”

Waiwail: “No need to guess.”

这不是明摆着的吗？如果她退出比赛，直接受益者是谁？而雷神妮妮又认识谁？

Wasn’t this obvious? If she withdrew from the competition, who would directly benefit? And who did Thor Nini know?

雷神妮妮：“小雨妖妖好像真的满喜欢那套衣服的，所以真水无香就瞒着她让我帮他问你一下，他好像不好意思直接问你，微微你没生气吧？”

Thor Nini: “Xiaoyu Yaoyao seems to really like that outfit, so Zhen Shui Wu Xiang asked me to ask you on his behalf. He seems a bit embarrassed to ask you directly; you’re not angry, right?”

若说微微不生气，那是假的，但是若要生气，又不值得。微微手指停在键盘上，想着要怎么回复。

If Waiwail said she wasn't angry, that would be a lie. But to be angry about this wouldn’t be worth it. Waiwail paused her fingers over the keyboard, thinking about how to respond.

当然是要拒绝的，但是面对喜欢拿钱砸人的人，义正严词的拒绝那是很不过瘾的，那根本回击不了他。最好的办法就是比他更有钱，气死他！虽然微微其实没钱……但是可以装嘛！反正隔着网络，又不怕被揭穿。

Of course, she had to refuse. However, facing someone who likes to throw money around, a righteous refusal wouldn’t satisfy her at all—it wouldn’t hit back at him. The best way was to show she had more money and completely infuriate him! Although Waiwail actually didn’t have money… But she could pretend! After all, it was over the internet; she was not afraid of being exposed.

于是出身工农联盟小康家庭的微微开始财大气粗的敲字：“没生气，只是好笑。居然有人想花钱让我退出，太好笑了，他以为他会比我有钱？”

Thus, Waiwail, coming from a well-off workers' family background, began to type boldly: “I’m not angry, just find it funny. Someone actually wants to pay me to withdraw? That’s hilarious! Does he really think he has more money than I do?”

“他家在全球有几处房产？他家的佣人买菜开的是什么车？他家的猫是什么血统？他家……”

“How many properties does his family own worldwide? What car do their servants drive when they go shopping? What breed is their cat? Their house…”

微微一连抛出N个排比句，直到胡诌不出来了，才“哼”的一声，很有气势的扔过去最后一句，“要是他打算花个几万十几万让我退出的话，劝他别说出来丢人现眼了。”

Waiwail quickly threw out a series of rhetorical questions until she ran out of creative thoughts. Finally, with a huff, she dramatically sent the last sentence, “If he plans to offer a few tens of thousands to make me withdraw, he should keep his mouth shut; it would be embarrassing!”

雷神妮妮显然震惊了，几万十几万！真水怎么会花几万十几万，听他口气似乎想给几千最多一万吧。看来芦苇微微真是太有钱了，随便说个数字单位都是万啊！

Thor Nini was clearly shocked. A few tens of thousands! How could Zhen Shui Wu Xiang spend that much? It seemed he was only thinking about offering a few thousand at most! It looked like Lu Wei Waiwei was really rich; just casually throwing out numbers in tens of thousands!

“微微，原来你家这么有钱，真的看不出来哎！”

“Waiwail, your family is so wealthy! I really can’t tell!”

微微：“我低调嘛。”

Waiwail: “I keep a low profile.”

雷神妮妮说：“那就算啦，微微你真没生气吧，其实我也不想帮他问的，可是我觉得他好像真的很爱小雨妖妖哎，有点心软。”

Thor Nini said: “Then drop it; you really aren’t angry, right? I didn’t want to ask for him, but I feel that he genuinely cares about Xiaoyu Yaoyao, so I felt a little soft-hearted.”

这条消息微微尚未来得及回复，她下一条又发了过来。“你知道吗，他们见面了，现实中也成一对了。”

Before Waiwail had a chance to reply to that message, a new one came in. “You know what? They met in person; they’ve actually become a couple in reality.”