视频

如果不是雷神妮妮的信息轰炸，微微简直怀疑自己会站到时间尽头。

If it weren't for the information bombardment from Thunder Goddess Ni Ni, Wei Wei would almost doubt that she would stand at the end of time.

当然，所谓时间尽头就是——宿舍熄灯。

Of course, the so-called end of time is—when the dormitory lights go out.

雷神妮妮：“微微给我视频啊给我视频啊。”

Thunder Goddess Ni Ni: "Wei Wei, send me the video, send me the video!"

微微：“什么视频？”

Wei Wei: "What video?"

雷神妮妮：“你老公单方面殴打真水那个啊，决斗视频！我虽然买票去看了，可是观众不能录像。”

Thunder Goddess Ni Ni: "The one where your husband unilaterally beats True Water in a duel! I bought a ticket to watch, but the audience can't record it."

单方面殴打……微微被她的形容囧到：“我家奈何很斯文的……”。

Unilateral beating... Wei Wei was embarrassed by her description: "My Nai He is very gentle..."

这句话敲出来，微微又被自己囧到了，她为什么要在奈何前面加个“我家”啊？！！！为什么会不知不觉打出这两个字来？

After typing this sentence, Wei Wei was embarrassed by herself again. Why did she add "my" before Nai He?!!! Why did she carelessly type out these two words?

肯定是受了愚公他们的影响，他们经常“我家三嫂”，“你家奈何”这么的乱喊。

It must be the influence from Yu Gong and the others, who often shout things like "my third sister-in-law" and "your Nai He" so casually.

微微黑线着把这句删了，重新打字发过去：“你居然买门票！”

Wei Wei, with a black line on her face, deleted that sentence and typed again to send: "You actually bought a ticket!"

看决斗要花钱买门票，是梦游江湖又一变态之处。

Having to buy a ticket to watch a duel is yet another bizarre aspect of wandering the world online.

买了门票后，点击看大门的皇宫侍卫，就会把玩家传送到决赛现场。

After buying the ticket, clicking to enter would have the palace guards teleport the player to the duel site.

一般来说，决战双方等级越高，门票越贵，当然，并不是每场决斗都有人去看的。

In general, the higher the levels of the duel parties, the more expensive the ticket; of course, not every duel attracts an audience.

雷神妮妮：“真水被打那么惨，录了也不会放出来，你老公肯定录了吧。”

Thunder Goddess Ni Ni: "True Water was beaten so badly; even if it was recorded, it wouldn't be released. Your husband must have recorded it, right?"

微微：“……他没录。”

Wei Wei: "… He didn't record it."

这个问题都不用问，以她对大神的了解，大神才不会录这么一场无关紧要的战斗。

There’s no need to ask this question; based on her understanding of the big shot, he wouldn’t bother recording such an unimportant battle.

雷神妮妮：“惨，我看得太紧张截图都忘了啊，死了死了，我要去死，而且我上来的太晚了，只看到系统发布的决斗公告，传说中的战书都没看到，后悔死。”

Thunder Goddess Ni Ni: "It’s terrible! I was so nervous watching that I forgot to take screenshots. I'm dead, I want to die. Additionally, I logged in too late and only saw the system announcement of the duel; I didn’t even get to see the legendary battle invitation. I regret it so much."

微微：“比我好了，我还是传说中的女主角呢，什么都没看到。”

Wei Wei: "At least you are better off than me. I'm still a legendary main character, and I saw nothing."

雷神妮妮：“哈哈哈，那我平衡了，系统公告那张截图要不要，我发你。”

Thunder Goddess Ni Ni: "Hahaha, then I can balance it out! Do you want the screenshot of the system announcement? I’ll send it to you."

微微：“好。”

Wei Wei: "Okay."

微微把梦游的信箱给他，不一会儿就收到了她的信，信件里就一张图片，正是系统的决斗公告。

Wei Wei gave her the inbox from the game, and soon after, she received a letter containing an image, which was indeed the system's duel announcement.

微微把图片点击放大，第一行便是系统在奈何邀战后的公告，然后每五分钟系统公告一次被邀请方的反应。

Wei Wei clicked to enlarge the image. The first line was the system announcement after Nai He invited the duel, and then every five minutes, there was a system announcement of the invited party's response.

『系统』：一笑奈何邀真水无香决战于紫禁之巅。

『System』: One Laugh Nai He challenges True Water Wu Xiang to a duel at the Peak of the Purple Forbidden City.

『系统』：真水无香尚未应战。

『System』: True Water Wu Xiang has not yet responded.

『系统』：真水无香尚未应战。

『System』: True Water Wu Xiang has not yet responded.

……

……

连刷五条后。

After five lines.

『系统』：真水无香应战。

『System』: True Water Wu Xiang accepts the challenge.

『系统』：一笑奈何与真水无香将于20：00决战紫禁之巅。

『System』: One Laugh Nai He and True Water Wu Xiang will duel at 20:00 at the Peak of the Purple Forbidden City.

不过几行字，不过是冷冰冰公式化的公告而已，微微却翻来覆去地看了好几遍，看着看着，心中竟渐渐有些热血沸腾起来。

Though it was just a few lines of cold, formulaic announcements, Wei Wei found herself reading it over and over, and as she looked at it, she gradually felt a surge of passion rising within her.

按捺不住心中的情绪，看看身边白衣飘飘的奈何，微微犹豫再三，很不好意思、很破坏气氛的开口：“大神……你也不带神兽和我PK一场吧。”

Unable to contain her emotions, and glancing at the ethereal Nai He beside her, Wei Wei hesitated for a long time and finally, feeling very shy and that she was destroying the mood, asked: "Big Shot... why don't you bring your divine beast and PK with me?"

奈何却会错了意，只当她是无聊了，建了队说：“走，我们去杀boss。”

Nai He misunderstood her intention, thinking she was bored, and organized a team saying: "Let’s go kill a boss."

“哪个？”

"Which one?"

“孟东行，愚公叫我们过去。”

"Meng Dongxing; Yu Gong asked us to go over."

猴子酒他们今天人品爆发，不过是在山脚下打打坐，以往千辛万苦都未必能找到的孟Boss居然带着嫁妆投怀送抱上门来。

Monk Jiu and the others were having a lucky day, fighting at the foot of the mountain, and the Boss Meng, who they used to have to search for with much effort, surprisingly came right to them today.

微微和奈何回到苍翠山的时候，猴子酒他们已经在战斗了。

When Wei Wei and Nai He arrived at Cang Cui Mountain, Monk Jiu and the others were already in battle.

奈何上前施放妙手回春，给他们加血，微微却犹豫了一下，没有立刻加入战斗。

Nai He stepped forward and cast a healing spell to give them more HP, but Wei Wei hesitated a moment and didn't immediately join the fight.

愚公叫道：“嫂子，别见死不救啊。”

Yu Gong shouted: "Sister-in-law, don’t just stand by and watch!"

微微知道他们其实三个人就游刃有余，喊她不过是想让她分经验，于是发了个笑脸，说：“你们打吧，我加入他的攻击值会变高。”

Wei Wei knew that the three of them could handle it comfortably; they were just calling her over to share the experience, so she sent a smiling emoji and said, "You go ahead; if I join in, his attack power will increase."

说起来，孟boss实是妙人，若只有女玩家攻击他，那么他会因为“怜香惜玉”，攻击降低一半，因此微微以前才能单枪匹马打败他。

Speaking of which, Boss Meng was quite peculiar—if only female players attacked him, he would lower his attack power by half out of "pity for the fair sex", which was why Wei Wei had been able to defeat him single-handedly before.

而若男女玩家一起攻击他，他会因为“嫉妒”，攻击力提升一半。

But if both male and female players attacked him, he would increase his attack power by half out of "jealousy".

只有单纯男玩家攻击他的时候，他的攻击力才是正常值。

His attack power was considered normal only when solely male players attacked him.

愚公他们基本上一直是纯男人队伍，还没见识过，听微微这么说反而来了兴趣。

Since Yu Gong and the others were mainly a team of males, they had never seen this before. Hearing Wei Wei explain this piqued their interest.

“听说这家伙还会调戏女玩家，我还没见过，嫂子你砍一刀让我见识下。”

"I heard this guy can even tease female players; I've never seen it. Sister-in-law, could you take a swing so I can witness it."

微微听得满脸黑线，不过还是依言加入了战斗。

Wei Wei felt a dark cloud on her face but still joined the battle as requested.

果然，一刀砍下去孟boss的攻击力明显上升了，还发出了技能“熊熊妒火”，烧得猴子他们的血条猛掉。

Sure enough, when she struck down, Meng Boss's attack power noticeably increased, and he unleashed the skill "Burning Jealousy", causing Monk Jiu and the others' HP to plummet.

同时孟boss头顶出现一段话：“好好一个美人儿，不养在闺房，倒出来走江湖舞刀弄棒，不如从了大爷我，包你吃香的喝辣的。”

At the same time, a line of text appeared above Meng Boss's head: "What a beautiful lady, instead of staying at home, you come out to wander the world and wield weapons. Why not come with me, and I guarantee you’ll eat well and live lavishly."

猴子酒：“我靠！真的是调戏。”

Monk Jiu: "Damn! He really is teasing."

愚公爬山：“居然敢调戏嫂子，把他一百遍掉！”

Yu Gong climbed the mountain: "He actually dares to tease my sister-in-law? Let's take him down a hundred times!"

于是，可怜的孟boss就被暴力地一百遍掉了……

Thus, the poor Meng Boss was violently defeated a hundred times...

孟BOSS一倒地，官差立刻出现把他拘走了，留下公主的梳妆盒作为奖励。

When Meng Boss fell, the constables immediately appeared and took him away, leaving the princess's dressing box as a reward.

猴子酒好奇，抢着拾起来，打开一看，差点倒地。

Monk Jiu, curious, rushed to pick it up, opened it, and almost fell to the ground.

愚公追问：“是什么？装备就给嫂子。”

Yu Gong asked: "What is it? Equip it to sis."

猴子酒：“这个给嫂子奈何会P了我。”

Monk Jiu: "This will be given to sister-in-law; Nai He will be mad at me."

奈何：“什么东西？”

Nai He: "What is it?"

猴子酒：“男人的头发。”

Monk Jiu: "The hair of a man."

愚公爬山：“……”

Yu Gong climbed the mountain: "..."

猴子酒：“公主情人之发，无任何属性。”

Monk Jiu: "Princess’s lover's hair, no attributes."

大家都汗了，没想到这么人品的事情这回给他们遇上了。

Everyone was stunned, not expecting to find such an outrageous item.

愚公爬山：“总比东方不败的刀好。”

Yu Gong climbed the mountain: "At least it’s better than the invincible East Unbeaten's sword."

猴子酒：“也比峨嵋老太的裹脚布好。”

Monk Jiu: "Also better than the old Emei woman's foot bindings."

莫扎他检讨：“难道我们刚刚蹂躏得太暴力了？”

Mo Zha pondered: "Did we just beat him too brutally?"

看微微一直没说话，猴子酒说：“嫂子不会被打击了吧？”

Seeing Wei Wei still quiet, Monk Jiu asked: "Sister-in-law, you aren’t discouraged, are you?"

微微：“没有，行走江湖这么多年，我早就淡泊名利了……”

Wei Wei: "Nah, after so many years wandering the world, I’ve long let go of fame and fortune..."

莫扎他：“……”

Mo Zha: "..."

愚公爬山：“我怎么觉得这口气很熟悉？”

Yu Gong climbed the mountain: "Why do I feel this tone is familiar?"

猴子酒：“像奈何？”

Monk Jiu: "It's like Nai He?"

莫扎他：“不像，奈何从来都不在嘴上自恋，他都在心里自恋。”

Mo Zha: "Not really; Nai He never brags on the surface; he always does it in his heart."

奈何发了个叹息的表情：“近墨者黑，以后还是不能让她和你们多待。”

Nai He sent a sigh emoji: "Birds of a feather flock together; I shouldn't let her hang out with you all too much."

微微：“对的，我就是被你们影响了……那啥，刚刚我在想视频的事。”

Wei Wei: "You’re right; I’ve been influenced by you guys... by the way, I was just thinking about the video."

微微：“我也想做个视频了。”

Wei Wei: "I also want to make a video now."

猴子酒：“……”

Monk Jiu: "..."

微微：“孟boss给我灵感了……”

Wei Wei: "Boss Meng inspired me..."

既然是孟boss给的灵感，那当然和贼有关。

Since it was inspired by Boss Meng, it must relate to thievery.

微微的剧本是这样的。

Wei Wei's script goes like this.

芦苇微微是个占山为王的女贼。

Lu Wei Wei is a bandit queen ruling the mountains.

一笑奈何是个文弱的琴师。

One Laugh Nai He is a weak scholar playing the zither.

某日，一笑奈何路过某某山，被女贼相中，于是被抢到山寨里做了压寨相公。

One day, as One Laugh Nai He passes by a certain mountain, he is spotted by the bandit queen and gets kidnapped to be the bandit lord's husband.

“后面的还没想好，刚刚打boss忽然想到的，孟boss的台词可以直接用。”

"I haven't thought of the rest yet; I just suddenly thought of it when we were fighting the boss; we can directly use the lines from Boss Meng."

猴子酒说：“也是参加那个活动的？”

Monk Jiu asked: "Are you also participating in that event?"

微微：“嗯，忽然觉得很好玩，不过我是想着玩玩的啦，一时心血来潮。”

Wei Wei: "Yes, I suddenly found it very fun, but I'm just thinking of playing around, just a sudden whim."

奈何难道的发了个默的表情：“压寨相公。”

Nai He sent a silent emoji: "Bandit lord's husband."

微微以为他被刺激到了，正要说不拍也行，就见他问：“是不是打劫的时候直接躺下就可以？”

Wei Wei thought he was upset, about to say it’s okay not to shoot when he asked: "Does it mean to lay down straight when I get robbed?"

看来她严重低估了大神神经的韧性，微微：“基本上就是这样吧。”

It seemed she severely underestimated the big shot's resilience, Wei Wei replied: "Basically, that’s how it goes."

其实她自己也不太确定，只是瞎想而已。

In fact, she wasn’t entirely sure; it was just a stray thought.

奈何却说：“拍吧。”

But Nai He responded: "Let’s shoot it."

奈何：“苍翠山不错，就在这里抢。”

Nai He: "Cang Cui Mountain is nice; let's rob right here."

大神答应得如此干脆利落，行动如此积极主动迅速，微微女贼猛的产生一种自己是被逼着抢人的感觉。

The big shot agreed so promptly and eagerly that Wei Wei, feeling like she was being pushed into robbing someone, suddenly had a sense of being forced.

转眼大神已经开始统筹安排：“我从这边山下走过，你从树林骑马出来，自己录自己的部分，后期剪辑一下就可以。”

In a flash, the big shot began to organize and plan: "I’ll walk from this side of the mountain, and you come out riding from the woods. Just record your part; we can edit it later."

在奈何导演的指挥棒下，微微晕乎乎的上了马。

Under Nai He's direction, Wei Wei dazedly mounted her horse.

愚公跳出来：“导演，我们也要上戏。”

Yu Gong jumped out: "Director, we need to be in the scene as well."

猴子酒说：“女贼没跟班怎么行，我们做嫂子的跟班吧。”

Monk Jiu added: "A bandit queen can't go without a crew. Let us, as sister-in-law's entourage."

微微拒绝：“不要。”

Wei Wei declined: "No need."

猴子酒悲痛欲绝：“为什么！”

Monk Jiu, in despair: "Why not!"

微微：“单枪匹马比较帅。”

Wei Wei: "It’s cooler to go solo."

愚公说：“不行不行，你们这样不行，要有打斗场面，不如我们做奈何的保镖，然后嫂子你就依次打败我们三个，这样才精彩。”

Yu Gong: "No, no, you can't do that; we need an action scene. Why don't we be Nai He's bodyguards, and then sister-in-law can defeat the three of us one by one; that’d be exciting."

这次愚公的建议总算得到了大家的认可，主要是得到了奈何的认可。

This time, Yu Gong's suggestion finally got everyone's approval, mainly Nai He's approval.

这几个人都是行动派的，超级有效率的商量好了一切，反而是提出拍视频的微微晕了，赶鸭子上轿般的被驱赶到树林。

These few were action-oriented and efficiently discussed everything, while the one who proposed shooting the video, Wei Wei, was dazed, like a duck being shoved onto a carriage and driven into the woods.

树林里，微微骑着马，忽然很紧张。

In the woods, Wei Wei, riding the horse, suddenly felt a wave of nervousness.

等到奈何走到指定的抢劫地点时更紧张。

When Nai He arrived at the designated robbing spot, her nervousness peaked.

紧张的后果就是微微冲了出去，冲到奈何面前，但是把孟boss那段猥琐的台词给忘了，于是微微急中生智，只好把最古老的抢劫台词稍做改动。

The effect of her tension was that she charged out, ran up to Nai He, but forgot Boss Meng’s inappropriate lines, so in a panic, Wei Wei had to improvise the oldest robbery lines with slight modifications.

“此山是我开，

"This mountain is mine by right, This tree was planted by me, If you want to pass this road, Leave the man behind!"

此树是我栽，

After the opening line, normally Yu Gong would jump out cursing and then it would start a fight, but Yu Gong remained completely still. Wei Wei waited a long while and curiously asked: "Where's Yu Gong?"

若要此路过，

Monk Jiu replied calmly: "He fell off his chair."

留下男人来！”

开场白说完，照理下面是愚公跳出来骂人，然后开打，然而愚公的人物却一动也不动，微微等了好半晌，奇怪的问：“愚公呢？”

猴子酒非常平静的说：“他从椅子上摔下去了。”