开放在别处（1）

表白是门技术活。

Confessing is a technical skill.

有人表白跟熬汤一样，葱姜蒜材料齐全，把姑娘当成一只乌骨鸡，咕嘟咕嘟小火炖着，猛炖一年半载。

Some people confess like simmering soup, with all the ingredients—ginger, garlic, and scallions complete—treating the girl like a black-boned chicken, stewing gently over a low flame for a year and a half.

有人表白跟爆炒一样，轰一声火光四射，油星万点，孤注一掷，几十秒决战胜负。

Others confess like stir-frying, with a loud crackle of flames, oil splattering everywhere, going all in for a brief showdown of just a few seconds.

说不上来哪种一定正确。熬汤的可能熬着熬着，永远出不了锅，汤都熬干了。爆炒的可能油温过高，炸得自己满脸麻子，痛不欲生。

It’s hard to say which method is definitely correct. The simmering might end up never reaching the pot, the soup evaporating away. The stir-frying could result in oil being too hot, leaving scorch marks on one’s face and an overwhelming pain.

表白这门技术，属于一把钥匙开一把锁，这就像我们高中常做的连线题，你最好别连错。

This technique of confessing is like a key opening a lock; it’s akin to the connection puzzles we often did in high school—best not to mix them up.

在喜欢豪迈的女生面前装鹌鹑，在心思玲珑的女生面前耍计谋，在自命清高的女生面前充大款，在魂系豪门的女生面前演文青，在缺乏父爱的女生面前卖童真，注定都是成功率不高的。

Pretending to be timid in front of bold girls, plotting strategies in front of clever ones, acting rich in front of self-righteous ones, portraying a literary youth in front of those bound to noble families, or selling innocence before those lacking paternal love, are all sure to yield low success rates.

我的大学室友大饼，看中了对面女宿舍的黄莺。

My university roommate, Dabing, had taken a liking to a girl from the opposite dorm, a girl named Huang Ying.

这姑娘平时不声不响，逢课必上，周末带着小水瓶去图书馆看书，日升看到日落。

She usually kept to herself, never making a sound, always attending classes, and spending weekends with a small water bottle at the library, reading from dawn until dusk.

大饼观察几天，决定动手。

After observing for a few days, Dabing decided to make a move.

我整个晚上都在劝说他，意思谋定而后动，那姑娘长相清秀，至今没男朋友，背后一定有隐情。

I spent the entire evening persuading him, hinting that one should "plan before they act." That girl was quite pretty and still single, surely there was some hidden reason behind it.

咱们要不策划个长远规划什么的。

Shouldn’t we plot some long-term strategy or something?

第二天我去陪人喝酒，回宿舍已经熄灯，发现几个哥们儿都不在。

The next day, I went out for drinks. When I returned to the dorm, the lights were already out, and I found several of my friends were missing.

找了隔壁弟兄问，说他们在宿舍楼顶。

I asked the guy next door, who told me they were on the roof of our dorm building.

我莫名觉得有些不妙，隐隐也很期待，赶紧爬到楼顶。

I felt a strange sense of foreboding but also anticipation, so I hurried to the rooftop.

几个赤膊的汉子，以大饼为首，打着手电筒，照射对面黄莺的宿舍窗户。

A few shirtless guys, led by Dabing, were shining flashlights at the window of Huang Ying's dorm.

还没等震惊的我喘口气，他们大声唱起了山歌。

Before I could catch my breath in shock, they had started singing loudly.

“哎……这里的山路十八弯，那里的黄莺真好看……哎……天生一个黄妹妹，就要跟大饼有一腿……哎……大饼哥哥是穷鬼，跟那黄莺最般配……”

“Hey... the mountain road here has eighteen bends, and that Huang Ying is truly beautiful... Hey... born as a yellow sister, destined to have a thing with Dabing... Hey... Dabing is a poor guy, but he’s perfect for that Huang Ying...”

我一口血喷出来。

I spat out a mouthful of blood.

这种表白不太好打比方，就像厨房里有人在炖汤，有人在爆炒，突然有个傻×冲进来，抢了个生蹄就啃。

This kind of confession is hard to compare to anything, like in a kitchen where some are simmering soup, others are stir-frying, and suddenly a foolish person bursts in, snatches a raw hoof, and starts gnawing on it.

这次失败在大饼浩瀚的历史中，只能算沧海一粟。

This failure was just a drop in the ocean of Dabing's grand history.

他很快转移目标，一段时间没关注他，居然真的有了女朋友，个子小巧，名叫许多。

He shifted his target quickly, and after a while without paying attention to him, he actually ended up with a girlfriend—a petite girl named Xu Duo.

许多对他百依百顺，贤惠优良，让弟兄们跌破眼镜，非常羡慕。

Xu Duo was obedient and virtuous, leaving our brothers in disbelief and envy.

大饼得意地说，这是黄莺的室友，你说巧不巧。

Dabing proudly said, "This is Huang Ying's roommate. What a coincidence, right?"

后来出了桩奇怪的事情。

Later, something strange happened.

学校传言黄莺欠了别人一大笔钱，宿舍里众说纷纭，比较权威的讲法是，黄莺家境不好，受了高中同学的蛊惑，加入传销组织，当了下线。

There were rumors in the school that Huang Ying owed someone a large sum of money. Various versions circulated in the dorm, but the most credible one was that Huang Ying came from a poor family and was deceived by a high school classmate into joining a pyramid scheme as an underling.

传销的产品是螺旋藻，绿色健康药丸。

The product of the pyramid scheme was spirulina—green health pills.

黄莺给上线交了整学期的生活费，买了一堆。问题在于她必须发展下线，不然无法回收。

Huang Ying had given her entire living expenses for the semester to her upline and bought a pile of them. The problem was that she had to recruit underlings; otherwise, she couldn’t recoup her costs.

但她的口才不具备煽动性，忙活半个月一无所获。

But she wasn’t persuasive enough and ended up with nothing after half a month of effort.

情急之下，黄莺跟班上女生赌咒发誓，说你们交钱给我，一定会赢利。

In a fit of desperation, Huang Ying swore to the girls in her class that if they gave her money, they would definitely profit.

最后她直接打欠条，假设其他女生收不回成本，就当是她借的钱，由她来偿还。

Eventually, she wrote an IOU, assuming the other girls wouldn’t be able to recover their costs and that it would simply be a loan from her, which she would repay.

三个女生抱着尝试的念头，就加入了。

Three girls, with a mindset of trying their luck, ended up joining.

钱交上去，谁也没能继续发展下线，很快人心惶惶，大家忍不住拿着欠条找黄莺算账。

Once they paid, none were able to recruit any underlings, and soon panic set in as they couldn’t help but confront Huang Ying, brandishing their IOUs.

这事闹大了，全校区皆有耳闻。黄莺哭了好几个通宵，请假回老家问父母要钱。

The matter escalated and became widely known across the school. Huang Ying cried for several nights, taking time off to return home and ask her parents for money.

让我惊奇的是，跟着大饼也不见了。他的女朋友许多接二连三打电话到宿舍，找不着人。

To my surprise, Dabing also went missing. His girlfriend, Xu Duo, kept calling the dorm, unable to find him.

大家不知如何解释，躲着不见她，最后将我推出来了。

We didn’t know how to explain, so we dodged her, ultimately pushing me forward.

在食堂，电视机放着《灌篮高手》。许多在对面一片沉默，打的几道菜由热变冷，我一直絮絮叨叨：“不会有事的。”

In the cafeteria, the TV was playing "Slam Dunk." Xu Duo sat across from me in silence, her plates of food going cold as I kept mumbling, “It'll be fine.”

许多低着头说：“大饼喜欢的还是黄莺吧？我听说他去筹钱给黄莺。”

Xu Duo looked down and said, “Dabing still likes Huang Ying, doesn’t he? I heard he went to raise money for her.”

我脑子“嗡”一声，虽然跟自己没关系，却有一种想死的感觉。

My head buzzed; even though it didn’t concern me, I felt an overwhelming urge to die.

许多站起来，给我一个信封，说：“这里有两千块，你帮我交给大饼。他不用还我，也不用再找我。”

Xu Duo stood up, handed me an envelope and said, “Here’s two thousand yuan. Please give it to Dabing. He doesn't need to repay me and doesn't need to contact me again.”

她走的时候，问我：“大饼是你兄弟，你说他有没有真的喜欢过我？”

As she left, she asked me, “Dabing is your brother. Do you think he ever really liked me?”

我说：“可能吧。”

I said, “Maybe.”

我不敢看她，所以也不知道她哭了没有。

I didn’t dare to look at her, so I had no idea if she was crying.

后来大饼没有和黄莺在一起。

Later, Dabing didn’t end up with Huang Ying.

他消失了一个星期，变了模样，隔三岔五酗酒，醉醺醺地回宿舍，不再玩表白这个游戏。

He disappeared for a week, came back looking different, and began drinking heavily, returning to the dorm inebriated and no longer playing this game of confession.

青春总是这样，每处随便碰触一下，就是痛楚。

Youth is often like this; every casual touch brings pain.

他没找女朋友，许多同样没来找他。

He didn’t seek out a girlfriend, and Xu Duo didn’t come looking for him either.

晃过大三，晃过实习，晃过毕业论文，我们各奔东西。

We stumbled through our junior year, internships, and graduation papers, each going our separate ways.

2005年，我经历短暂的北漂，重回南京。

In 2005, I experienced a brief stint in Beijing before returning to Nanjing.