猪头的爱情（1）

大学室友有四个，其中睡我上铺的叫猪头。

I had four college roommates, and the one sleeping on the upper bunk above me was called Pig Head.

夏天的时候，天气太热，压根儿睡不着。

In the summer, the weather was too hot to sleep at all.

宿舍的洗手池是又宽又长一大条，猪头热得受不了，于是跑过去，整个人穿条裤衩横躺在洗手池里。

The dormitory washbasin was a long and wide strip. Pig Head, unable to stand the heat, ran over and lay down in the washbasin in just his underwear.

那叫一个凉快，他心满意足地睡着了。

It felt so refreshing that he fell asleep contentedly.

结果同学过来洗衣服，不好意思叫醒他，就偷偷摸摸地洗，冲洗衣服的水一倒，沿着水池差点儿把猪头淹没。

As a result, when a classmate came over to do laundry, he didn’t dare to wake him up and instead washed his clothes stealthily. The water from rinsing the clothes almost submerged Pig Head in the washbasin.

猪头醒过来之后，呆呆照着镜子，说：“靠，为什么我这么干净？”

When Pig Head woke up and looked at himself in the mirror, he said, “Damn, why am I so clean?”

猪头想买好点儿的电风扇，但身上钱不够。

Pig Head wanted to buy a decent electric fan but didn’t have enough money.

于是他写了篇小说，投稿给《故事大王》，打算弄点儿稿费。

So, he wrote a short story and submitted it to "Story King," hoping to make some money from it.

他激动地将稿子给我看，我读了一遍，肝胆俱裂。

Excited, he showed me the manuscript. I read it once and was devastated.

故事内容是男生宿舍太肮脏，导致老鼠变异，咬死了一宿舍人。

The story was about a boys’ dormitory so filthy that the rats mutated and killed one of the roommates.

他问我怎么样，我沉默一会儿，点点头说：“尚可，姑且一试。”

He asked for my opinion, and after a moment of silence, I nodded and said, “It’s okay; it’s worth a shot.”

后来稿子被退回来了。

Later, the manuscript was rejected.

猪头锲而不舍地修改，改成男生宿舍太肮脏，导致老鼠变异，咬死了来检查卫生的辅导员。

Pig Head, undeterred, revised it, changing it to a story about a boys’ dormitory being so dirty that the rats mutated and killed the hygiene inspector who came to check.

稿子又被退回来了。猪头这次暴怒，彻夜不眠，改了一宿，篇幅增加一倍。

The manuscript was returned again. This time, Pig Head was furious and stayed up all night revising it, doubling its length.

这次内容是，男生宿舍太肮脏，导致老鼠变异，咬了其中一个学生。

This time, the content was that the boys’ dormitory was so dirty that the rats mutated and bit one of the students.

学生毕业后成了《故事大王》的编辑，虽然明明是个处男，却得梅毒死了。

The student graduated and became an editor at "Story King," but despite being a virgin, he died of syphilis.

稿子这次没被退，编辑回了封信给他，很诚恳的语气，说：“同学，老子弄死你。”

This time, the manuscript was not rejected, and the editor sent him back a letter in a very sincere tone, saying, “Student, I’ll kill you.”

猪头放弃了赚钱的梦想，开始打游戏。

Pig Head gave up on his dream of making money and started playing games.

他花三十块钱，从旧货市场买了台二手小霸王，打《三国志2》。

He spent thirty yuan to buy a second-hand Little霸王 from the flea market to play "Romance of the Three Kingdoms 2."

他起早贪黑地打，一直打到游戏卡出问题，居然活活被他打出来六个关羽、八个曹操。

He played from dawn till dusk until the game cartridge broke, and he somehow ended up with six Guan Yu and eight Cao Cao characters.

那年放假前一个月，大家全身拼凑起来不超过十元。

A month before the holiday, everyone had pieced together less than ten yuan.

于是饿了三天，睡醒了赶紧到洗手间猛灌自来水，然后躺回床位保持体力，争取尽快睡着。

So, we went hungry for three days. After waking up, I rushed to the bathroom to gulp down tap water, then lay back in my bed to conserve energy, hoping to fall asleep quickly.

第四天大家饿得哭了。

On the fourth day, we were all crying from hunger.

班长在女生宿舍动员了一下，装了一麻袋零食，送到我们这儿，希望我们好好活着。

The class monitor went to the girls’ dormitory to rally support, collected a bag of snacks, and sent it to us, hoping we could survive.

当时我们看着麻袋，双手颤抖，拿起一根麻花送进嘴里，泪水横流。

At that moment, we looked at the bag, our hands trembling. We picked up a twisted flour snack and put it in our mouths, tears streaming down our faces.

靠麻袋坚持三天，再次陷入饥饿。我记忆犹新，后半夜猪头猛地跳下床，其他三人震惊地盯着他，问：“你去哪儿？”

With the bag, we held on for three more days before falling back into hunger. I vividly recall the second half of the night when Pig Head suddenly jumped out of bed. The other three of us stared at him in shock and asked, “Where are you going?”

猪头说：“我不管我要吃饭。”

Pig Head said, “I don’t care; I want to eat.”

我说：“你有钱吃饭？”

I replied, “Do you have money to eat?”

猪头擦擦眼泪，步伐坚定地走向门口，扭动身体大喊：“我没有钱，但我不管我要吃饭。”

Pig Head wiped away his tears and marched resolutely towards the door, twisting his body and shouting, “I don’t have money, but I don’t care; I want to eat.”

我们三人登时骂娘，各种恶毒的话语，骂得他还没走到门口，就转身回床，哭着说：“吃饭也要被骂，我不吃了。”

The three of us immediately cursed at him with all sorts of vicious words, and before he even reached the door, he turned around, back to bed, crying, “If I’m going to be scolded for eating, then I won’t eat anymore.”

清早猪头不见了。

The next morning, Pig Head was missing.

我饿得头昏眼花，突然有人端着一碗热汤递给我。

I was so hungry I felt faint when suddenly someone handed me a bowl of hot soup.

我一看，是猪头，他咧着嘴笑了，说：“我们真傻，食堂的汤是免费的呀。”

I looked and saw it was Pig Head, grinning widely, saying, “We’re so silly; the soup in the canteen is free!”

全宿舍泪洒当场。

The whole dormitory burst into tears.

猪头喃喃地说：“如果有炭烤生蚝吃该多好呀，多加蒜蓉，烤到吱吱冒水。”

Pig Head murmured, “If only we could have charcoal-grilled oysters, with extra garlic, grilled until they sizzle and ooze.”

再后来，猪头恋爱了。

Later, Pig Head fell in love.

他喜欢外系一个师姐。

He had a crush on a senior girl from another department.

猪头守在开水房，等师姐去打开水。

Pig Head waited in the hot water room for her to come and fill her thermos.

但他不敢表白。师姐将开水瓶放在墙边，一走远，猪头就把她的开水瓶偷回宿舍。

But he didn’t dare confess. Every time she placed her thermos on the wall and walked away, Pig Head would sneak it back to the dorm.

一个月下来，猪头一共偷了她十九个水瓶。

After a month, he had stolen a total of nineteen thermoses from her.

作为室友，我们非常不理解，但隐约有点儿兴奋，我们可以去卖水瓶了。

As his roommates, we didn’t quite understand but felt a bit excited— we could start selling the thermoses.

一天深夜，猪头说：“其实我在婉转地示爱。”

Late one night, Pig Head said, “Actually, I’m expressing my love in an indirect way.”

我大惊，问：“何出此言？”

I was shocked and asked, “What do you mean?”

猪头说：“我打算在毕业前，偷满她五百二十个水瓶，她就知道这是520（我爱你）的意思了。”

Pig Head said, “I plan to steal five hundred and twenty thermoses before graduation. She’ll know that stands for 520 (I love you) when I’m done.”

大家齐齐沉默，心中暗想：我去你大爷的。

We all fell silent and thought to ourselves: What the hell.

那时候的男生宿舍，熄灯以后，总有人站在门外，光膀子穿条内裤煲电话粥。

Back then, in the boys' dormitory, after the lights went out, there were always some guys outside the door, bare-chested in just their underwear, having long phone conversations.

他们扭动身体，发出呵呵呵呵的笑声，窃窃私语。

They twisted their bodies, laughing and whispering to each other.

每张桌子的抽屉里，打废的IP电话卡日积月累，终于超过了烟盒的高度。

In every drawer at each table, the discarded phone cards gradually piled up, finally surpassing the height of a cigarette box.

猪头很愤怒。他没有人可以打电话。他决定打电话给师姐，师姐叫崔敏。

Pig Head was furious. He had no one to call. He decided to call the girl he liked, whose name was Cui Min.

那头崔敏的室友接的电话，说她已经换宿舍了。

The phone was picked up by Cui Min’s roommate, who told him that she had already changed dormitories.

猪头失魂落魄了一晚上。

Pig Head was disheartened for the entire night.

第二天，食堂前面的海报栏人头攒动，围满学生。

The next day, in front of the canteen’s bulletin board, it was crowded with students.

我路过，发现猪头在人群里面。

As I walked by, I found Pig Head in the crowd.

出于好奇，我也挤了进去。

Out of curiosity, I squeezed in.

海报栏贴了张警告：某系某级崔敏，盗窃宿舍同学人民币共计两千元整，给予通告批评，同时已交由公安局处理。

The bulletin board had posted a warning: Cui Min from a certain department had stolen two thousand yuan from her dorm mates, receiving a public reprimand and was handed over to the police.

大家议论纷纷。说真是人不可貌相。

Everyone was discussing it. They said you really can’t judge a person by their appearance.

我去拉猪头，发现他攥着拳头，眼睛里全是泪水。

I pulled Pig Head, only to find him clenching his fists, tears in his eyes.

虽然我不明白他哭什么，但总觉得心里也有些难受。

Though I didn’t understand why he was crying, I felt a bit downcast myself.

猪头扭转头，盯着我说：“崔敏一定是被冤枉的，你相不相信？”

Pig Head turned to me and said, “Cui Min must be innocent; do you believe me?”

当天夜里，猪头破天荒地去操场跑步。

That night, Pig Head unexpectedly went running on the playground.

我站在一边，看着他不惜体力地跑。一圈两圈三圈，他累瘫在草地上。

I stood by and watched him exhaust himself running. One lap, two laps, three laps, he collapsed on the grass.

他躺了半天，挣扎着爬起来，猛然冲向女生宿舍，我怎么追也追不上他。

After lying there for quite a while, he struggled to get up and suddenly charged towards the girls’ dormitory, and no matter how hard I chased, I couldn’t catch up with him.

后来，猪头白天旷课，举着家教的纸牌，去路边找活儿干。

Later, during the day, Pig Head skipped class, holding up a tutoring sign to look for work on the roadside.

再后来，在人们奇怪的眼光中，猪头和师姐崔敏一起上晚自习。

Eventually, amidst the bewildered stares of others, Pig Head started attending evening self-study sessions with Cui Min.

到冬天，漫天大雪，猪头打着伞，身边依偎着小巧的崔敏。

By winter, under the heavy snow, Pig Head held an umbrella, with little Cui Min snuggling beside him.

几年前曾经回到母校，走进那栋宿舍楼。

A few years later, I returned to my alma mater and walked into that dormitory building.