三只小猪（3）

我：告诉我吧，你的动机。

I: Tell me, what is your motive?

他认真的看了我一会儿，叹了口气：如果我说了，你能帮助我死吗?

He looked at me seriously for a moment and sighed: If I tell you, can you help me die?

我：我没办法给你这个保证，即便那是你我都希望的，我也不能那么做。

I: I can't give you that guarantee. Even if that's what you and I both hope for, I can't do that.

他严肃的看着我，不再嬉皮笑脸：你知道我为什么喜欢给她讲《三只小猪》的故事吗？

He looked at me seriously, no longer joking: Do you know why I like telling her the story of "The Three Little Pigs"?

我：这里面有原因吗？

I: Is there a reason behind that?

他没正面回答我：我即将告诉你的是真实的。虽然你可能会觉得很离奇，但是我认为你还是会相信，所以我选择告诉你。不过在那之前，你能把录音关了吗？

He didn’t answer directly: What I’m about to tell you is true. Although you may find it strange, I believe you will still believe me, so I choose to tell you. But before that, can you turn off the recording?

我：对不起，我必须开着，理由你知道。

I: I’m sorry, I have to keep it on. You know the reason.

他又叹了口气：好吧，我告诉你，所有。

He sighed again: Alright, I’ll tell you everything.

我拿起笔准备好了记下重点。

I picked up my pen, ready to jot down the key points.

他：也许你只看到了我和她，但是我想让你知道，我们曾经是三个人。最初的他已经死了，不是我杀死的。

He: Maybe you only see me and her, but I want you to know that there used to be three of us. The original one has already died, and it wasn’t me who killed him.

我抬起头看着他。

I looked up at him.

他舔了舔嘴唇继续说：我给你讲个真实版《三只小猪》的故事吧。三只小猪住在一栋很大的宫殿里，开始的生活很快乐，大家各自做各自擅长的事情，有一天其中的两只小猪发现一个可怕的怪物进来了。

He licked his lips and continued: Let me tell you a real version of "The Three Little Pigs." The three little pigs lived in a very large palace, and at first, life was very happy. Each did what they were good at, but one day, two of the little pigs discovered a terrible monster had entered.

于是那两只小猪一起和怪物搏斗，但是怪物太强大了，一只小猪死掉了。在死前，他告诉参加搏斗的兄弟，希望他能打败怪物，保护最小的那只小猪。

So, the two little pigs fought against the monster together, but the monster was too powerful, and one little pig died. Before dying, he told his fighting brother to hope he could defeat the monster and protect the smallest pig.

此时最小的那只小猪还不知道怪物的存在。于是没有战死的这只小猪利用宫殿的复杂和怪物周旋，同时还要保护最小的那只，甚至依旧隐瞒着怪物的存在。

At this time, the smallest pig was still unaware of the monster’s existence. So the surviving little pig used the palace's complexity to outmaneuver the monster while simultaneously protecting the smallest one, even hiding the existence of the monster from her.

但是，他太弱了，根本不可能战胜怪物。而怪物一天天的越来越强大，以至于他一切工作都不能再做了，专心的在和怪物周旋。

But he was too weak and could never defeat the monster. And the monster grew stronger day by day, to the point where he could no longer do anything else and concentrated solely on dealing with the monster.

有一天，怪物占据了宫殿最重要的一个房间，虽然最后终于被引出去了，但是那个重要的房间还是遭到了严重的破坏。宫殿出了问题，事情再也藏不住了。

One day, the monster occupied the most important room in the palace. Although it was eventually lured out, that important room was severely damaged. The palace had problems, and things could no longer be hidden.

但是最小的那只小猪很天真，不懂到底是怎么了，于是肩负嘱托的那只小猪撒谎说宫殿在维修，就快没事儿了。

But the smallest pig was very naïve and did not understand what was wrong. So the pig who had taken on the trust lied, saying the palace was under maintenance and would soon be fine.

他还在尽可能的保护着她，并且经常会去利用很短的一点儿时间去看望、安慰最小的那只小猪，不让她知道残酷的真相……

He was still trying to protect her as much as possible and would often use the briefest moments to visit and comfort the smallest pig, not letting her know the cruel truth…

这不是一个喜剧……终于怪物还是发现了最小的那只小猪，并且杀死了她……

This isn’t a comedy… In the end, the monster discovered the smallest pig and killed her…

最后那只、也是唯一的那只小猪发誓不惜一切代价复仇，他决定要烧毁这座宫殿，和怪物同归于尽……这就是《三只小猪》真正的故事。

The last pig, who was also the only one left, swore to take revenge at all costs. He decided to burn down the palace and perish with the monster… This is the true story of "The Three Little Pigs."

他虽然表情平静的看着我，但是眼里含着的泪水掩饰不住那故作镇定。

Though he looked at me calmly, the tears in his eyes betrayed his feigned composure.

我坐在那里，完全忘了自己一个字都没有记，就那么坐在那里愣愣的听完。

I sat there, having completely forgotten to write down even a single word, just sitting there dazedly listening to the whole story.

他：这就是我的动机。

He: This is my motive.

我努力让自己的思维回到理智上：但是你妹妹……但是她没有提到过有两个哥哥……

I struggled to bring my thoughts back to reason: But your sister… she never mentioned having two brothers…

他：他死的时候，她很小，还分不大清楚我们，而且我们很像……

He: She was very young when he died and couldn't tell us apart, and we look very similar…

我：呃，这不合情理，没有必要分裂出和自己很像的人格来。

I: Uh, that doesn’t make sense. There’s no need to split into a personality that looks like yourself.

他：因为他寂寞，他父亲死于醉酒，这不是什么光荣的事情，他身边的人都不同情，反而嘲笑他，所以他创造了我。他发誓将来会对自己的小孩很好，但是他等不及了，所以单纯的她才会在我之后出现。

He: Because he was lonely. His father died from alcoholism, which isn’t an honorable thing, and the people around him didn’t sympathize with him, but rather mocked him. So he created me. He vowed to be good to his future children, but he couldn’t wait, so the naïve girl appeared after me.

我：你说的怪物，是怎么进来的？我费解这种……这种……人格入侵？解释不通。

I: How did the monster get in? I find this… this… personality invasion hard to understand.

他：不知道，有些事情可能永远没有答案了……也许这是一个噩梦吧？

He: I don’t know. Some things may forever remain unanswered… Maybe this is a nightmare?

现在不知道的是我，我不知道该说什么好。

What I didn’t know was, I didn’t know what to say.

他：我明白这听上去可能很可笑，自己陪伴自己，自己疼爱自己。但是如果你是我，你不会觉得可笑。

He: I know this might sound ridiculous, to keep yourself company and love yourself. But if you were me, you wouldn’t find it ridiculous.

我觉得嘴巴很干，嗓子也有点儿哑：嗯，如果你能让那个怪物成为性格浮现出来，也许我们有办法治疗，我知道我说的很没底气。

I felt my mouth dry and my throat a bit hoarse: Well, if you could let that monster's personality surface, maybe we could find a way to heal. I know what I said is not very convincing.

他微笑着看着我：那是残忍的野兽，而且我也只选择复仇。

He smiled at me: That is a cruel beast, and I have chosen only revenge.

我：这一切都是真的吗？

I: Is all of this true?

他：很荒谬是吧？但是我觉得很悲哀。

He: It sounds absurd, doesn’t it? But I find it very sad.

我近乎偏执的企图安慰他：如果是真的，我想我们可能会有办法的。

I almost obsessively tried to comfort him: If it’s true, I think we might have a way.

我明白这话说的多苍白，但是我的确不知道除此之外还能说什么。

I understood how weak those words sounded, but I truly didn’t know what else to say.

不久后，就在我绞尽脑汁考虑该怎么写这份报告的时候，得知他自杀了。

Not long after, while I was racking my brain on how to write this report, I learned that he had committed suicide.

据当时的在场的人说，他没有征兆的突然用头拼命撞墙好多次，直到鲜血淋漓的瘫倒在地上。

According to those present at the time, he suddenly began to ram his head against the wall repeatedly without warning, until he collapsed on the ground, bloodied.

他用他的方式告诉我，他没有说谎，不管他是不是真的疯了。

He told me in his way that he was not lying, regardless of whether he was truly insane.

这个事件之后，时常有个问题会困扰着我：真实的界限到底是怎样的？有没有一个适合所有人的界定？该拿什么去衡量呢？

After this incident, a question often troubled me: What exactly is the boundary of reality? Is there a definition that fits everyone? What should we use to measure it?

我始终记得他在我录音笔里留下的最后一句话：好想再看看蓝天。

I still remember the last sentence he left on my recorder: I really want to see the blue sky again.