角色问题

他：我只能说我同情你，但是并不可怜你，因为毕竟是我创造出你的。

He: I can only say I sympathize with you, but I do not pity you, because after all, I am the one who created you.

我：你怎么创造我了？

Me: How did you create me?

他：你只是我小说中的一个人物罢了，你的出现目的就在于给我这本书的主角添加一些心理上的反应，然后带动整个事情，我是说整个故事发展下去。

He: You are merely a character in my novel. Your purpose of existence is to add some psychological reactions to the main character of my book, which then drives the entire event forward. I mean, the whole story's development.

我面前的他是一个妄想症患者，他认为自己是一部书的主角，同时也是作者。病史四年多了，三年前被关进医院。药物似乎对他无效，他老婆都快放弃了。

The person in front of me is a patient with delusional disorder. He believes he is the main character of a book, as well as the author. He has been ill for over four years and was hospitalized three years ago. Medication seems ineffective for him, and his wife is on the verge of giving up.

由于他有狂躁表现，所以我只带了录音笔进去，没带纸笔或者任何有尖儿的东西。坐的也够远，他在桌子那头，我在桌子这头，大约两米距离。他在桌子另一头，习惯性的在桌子底下搓着手。

Due to his manic behavior, I only brought a voice recorder and did not bring any paper, pen, or anything sharp. I sat far enough away; he was at one end of the table, and I was at the other, about two meters apart. He was habitually rubbing his hands under the table.

他：我知道这超出你的理解范围了，但是这是事实。而且，你我的这段对话不会出现在小说里。在那里只是一带而过，例如某年某月某日，我在精神病院见了你，之后我想了些什么，大概就会是这样。

He: I know this is beyond your understanding, but it's the truth. Moreover, our conversation will not appear in the novel. It will merely be a passing mention, like "On a certain date in a certain month, I met you in a mental hospital," and then what I thought afterward, it would be something like that.

我：你觉得真的是这样吗？你怎么证明我是你创造出的角色呢？说说看？

Me: Do you really think it is that way? How can you prove that I am a character you created? Tell me about it.

他：你写小说会把所有角色的家底、身世说的很清楚给读者看？

He: When you write a novel, do you explain the backgrounds and origins of all the characters very clearly to the readers?

我：我没写过，不知道。

Me: I have never written, so I don't know.

他笑了：你肯定不会。而且，我说明了，我现在的身份是这部小说的主角，我沉浸在整个故事里，我的角色不是作者身份，也不能是作者身份，什么都清楚了读者看着没意思了。我可以知道你的身世，但是没必要在小说里描绘出来，那没意义。我现在跟你交谈，是情节的安排，只是具体内容除了书里的几个人，没人知道。读者也不知道，这只是大剧情的里面的一个小片段……

He laughed: You certainly wouldn't. Moreover, I have explained that my current identity is the main character of this novel; I am immersed in the entire story. My role cannot be that of the author; if everything is clear, there is no interest for the readers. I can know your background, but it's unnecessary to depict it in the novel, as that is meaningless. Our conversation now is a plot arrangement; only a few characters in the book know the specific content. The readers do not know; this is just a small segment inside the big plot...

我：你知道你在这里几年了吧？

Me: You know how long you’ve been here, right?

他：三年啊，很无聊啊这里。

He: Three years, it's very boring here.

我：那么你怎么不让时间过得快一点，打发过去这段时间呢？或者写出个超人来救你走呢？外星人也成。

Me: So why don’t you make time pass faster, distract yourself, or write a superhero to rescue you? An alien would work too.

他大笑起来：你真的太有意思了！小说的时间流逝，是按照书中的自然规律的，三年在读者面前只是几行字甚至更短，但是小说里面的人物都是老老实实过了三年，中间恋爱结婚生孩子升职吵架吃喝嫖赌什么都没耽误。怎么能让小说的时间跳跃呢？我是主角，就必须忍受这点儿无聊。至于你说的超人外星人什么的，很无聊，这不是科幻小说。你的逻辑思维有问题。

He laughed heartily: You are really too funny! The passage of time in a novel follows the natural laws of the book; three years in front of the readers is merely a few lines of text or even shorter. However, the characters inside the novel experience three years honestly—dating, marrying, having children, getting promotions, arguing, eating, drinking, visiting brothels, gambling—everything continues without interruption. How could the time in the novel jump? I am the main character, so I must endure this boredom. As for the superheroes or aliens you mentioned, that’s very boring. This is not a science fiction novel. Your logical thinking is flawed.

我发现的确是他说的这样，从他个人角度讲，他的世界观坚不可摧。

I realized that what he said was indeed true; from his personal perspective, his worldview was unassailable.

我：我明白了，你的意思是，这个世界是为了你而存在的，当你死了呢？这个世界还存在吗？

Me: I understand. What you mean is that this world exists for you, but what about when you die? Does this world still exist?

他：当然存在了，只是读者看不到了。如果我简单的死掉了，有两种可能：1、情节安排我该死了；2、我不是主角。而第一点，我现在不会死，小说还在写呢。第二点嘛，我不用确定什么，我绝对就是，因为我就是作者。

He: Of course, it exists; it's just that the readers cannot see it. If I simply died, there would be two possibilities: 1. The plot has arranged for me to die; 2. I am not the main character. As for the first point, I will not die now; the novel is still being written. As for the second point, I don't need to confirm anything; I absolutely am, because I am the author.

我：你怎么证明呢？

Me: How can you prove that?

他：我想证明随时可以，但是有必要吗？从我的角度来说，证明本身就可笑。除非我觉得有必要。非得证明的话，可以，你可以现在杀我试试，你杀不了我的，门外的医生会制止你，你可能会绊倒，也许冲过来的时候心脏病发作了，或者你根本打不过我，自己差点儿被我杀了，就是这样。

He: I can prove it at any time, but is it necessary? From my perspective, the proof itself is ridiculous unless I feel it is needed. If you must see proof, you can try to kill me now; you won't be able to. The doctors outside will stop you, you might trip, maybe you'll have a heart attack while rushing over, or you simply won’t be able to beat me, and you’d almost get killed by me—just like that.

我：这是本什么小说？

Me: What kind of novel is this?

他：描写一些情感一类的，有些时候很平淡，但是很动人，平淡的事情才能让人有投入感，才会动人，对吧？

He: It describes some emotional matters; sometimes it’s very plain, but very touching. Only plain matters can give people a sense of involvement; they will be moving, right?

我：那么，你爱你老婆吗？

Me: So, do you love your wife?

他：当然了，我是这么写的。

He: Of course, that’s how I wrote it.

我：孩子呢？

Me: What about the child?

他有些不耐烦：这种问题还用问吗？

He grew a bit impatient: Is that even a question?

我：不，我的意思是：你对他们的感情，是情节的设置和需要，并不是你自发的对吧？

Me: No, I mean your feelings for them are set by the plot and needs, not something spontaneous, right?

他：你的逻辑怎么又混乱了？我是主角，他们是主角的家人，我对他们的感情当然是真挚的。

He: How is your logic getting so chaotic again? I am the main character, they are the protagonist's family; my feelings for them are definitely sincere.

我：那你三年前为什么要企图杀了你孩子？

Me: Then why did you attempt to kill your child three years ago?

他：我没杀。只是做个样子，好送我来这里。

He: I didn’t kill. It was just to create a scenario, to bring me here.

我：你是说你假装要那么做？为了来这里？

Me: You mean you pretended to do that? To come here?

他：我知道没人信，随便吧，但那是必须做的，没读者喜欢看平淡的流水账，必须有个高潮。

He: I know no one believes it, whatever, but it had to be done; no reader likes to see plain and boring accounts; there has to be a climax.

我决定违反规定刺激他一下：如果你在医院期间，你老婆出轨了呢？

I decided to break the rules to provoke him a bit: What if, during your time in the hospital, your wife cheated on you?

他：情节没有这个设定。

He: The plot has no such setting.

我：你肯定。

Me: Are you sure?

他笑了：你这个人啊……

He laughed: You, my friend...

我不失时机：你承认我是人了？而不是你设定的角色了？

I seized the opportunity: Do you admit I’m a person now? And not a character you created?

他：我设定你的角色就是人，而且你完成了你要做的。

He: I set your character as a person, and you have completed what you needed to do.

我：我做什么？

Me: What did I do?

他：让我的思绪波动。

He: You made my thoughts fluctuate.

我似乎掉到他的圈套里了。

I felt like I had fallen into his trap.

我：完成了后，我就不存在了吗？

Me: Once I finish, I won’t exist anymore?

他：不，你继续你的生活，即便当我的小说结束后，你依旧会继续生活，只是读者看不到了，因为关于你，我不会描述给读者了。

He: No, you will continue your life. Even after my novel ends, you will continue to live; it’s just that the readers won’t see it because I won’t describe you for the readers anymore.

我：那这个小说，你的最后结局是什么？

Me: Then what’s the ending of this novel?

他：嗯，这是个问题，我还没想好……

He: Hmm, that’s a question I haven’t thought about yet...

我：什么时候写完？

Me: When will you finish writing?

他：写完了你也不会知道，因为那是这个世界之外的事情了，超出你的理解范围，你怎么会知道写完了呢？

He: Even if I finish, you won’t know because that’s something beyond this world, outside your understanding. How would you know I finished?

我：……

Me: ...

他饶有兴趣的看着我：跟你聊天很好，谢谢，我快到时间了。说完他眨了眨眼。

He looked at me with great interest: It’s nice talking to you; thank you, my time is almost up. After saying that, he winked.

那次谈话就这么结束了。

That conversation ended just like that.

之后我又去过两次，他不再对我说这些，转而山南海北的闲聊。不过那以后没多久，听说他有所好转，半年后出院观察了。

I went twice more afterward, but he stopped talking about these things and instead chatted casually. However, not long after that, I heard he had improved and was observed after being discharged six months later.

出院那天我正好没事儿就去了，他跟他的主治医生和家人朋友谈笑风生，没怎么理我。

On the day of his discharge, I happened to have nothing to do, so I went. He was chatting and laughing with his attending physician and family friends and didn’t pay much attention to me.

临走时，他漫不经心的走到我身边，低声快速的说：还记得第一次那张桌子吗？去看看桌子背面。说完狡猾的笑了下，没再理我。

As he was leaving, he casually walked up to me and quickly whispered: Do you remember that table from our first meeting? Go take a look at the back of the table. After that, he grinned slyly and didn’t talk to me again.

费了好大劲我才找到和他第一次会面的那张桌子。我趴下去看桌子底下，上面有很多指甲的划痕，依稀能辨认出歪歪斜斜的几个字。

It took me a lot of effort to find that table where I first met him. I leaned down and looked under the table, where there were many scratches made by nails, and I could roughly make out a few crooked words.

那是他和我第一次见面的日期以及一句话：半年后离开。

That was the date of our first meeting and a sentence: "Leave in six months."

过后很久，我眼前都会浮现出他最后那狡猾的笑容。

Long after that, his last sly smile would often flash before my eyes.